JOE IS DYING

gw ketawa sendiri liat muka gue. bego bgt. gilaaaa, mentang2 skrg ada org di otak gue. gue jadi suka aneh2 sendiri. it's another one of those syndromes. if you know me long enough, you'll know i'll get over them in 3 months. without even developing anything between "us". easy thing for a temporary feel for those teenage stupid love story. but what if some genuine feeling come around and i just stop myself like any other ones "liking" scenes i've got so far. truth is, i know the answer. but i just like to post the question. romantic comendy? yes, please.

photos are here . photos are taken with mr.mac. so it's just that one place where i could sit and actually ran around with my laptop to take pitcures with. i wished i had my holga with me. maybe some other time. ps: im broke!!

That was me, two days ago at three a.m, doing my dust jacket for that book i was holding. I was actually happy with what i got thus far. Untill i printed it out and placed it on the book the next day. and i realized it SUCKED! it was around 12 in the night and i was so tired - due to lack of sleep. so at 3.30-ish i just went to my bed thinking that i could wake up 30 minutes after my nap. cause i hate my cover. hate is with all my heart. 30 minutes after i couldn't get myself to work again. so i just continue on sleeping and woke up the next dy at 8 o'clock feeling very happy. cause the sun was shining and the clouds are pretty. i did my work at school and it looks a tad better after the change. and i was relieved for a while, until i printed it out and looked at the book from a far. i was like - "@#%()*&^%$#$%&((*&^%$#@#$%^&*!!!!!!!!" - yeah. i didn't say any bad words though. all the anger is corrupting the beautiful day. i need something to drin...

as usual, every Friday we had this little thing called CG. i dont know why i decided to post this, while i have a ton of work to do. but i guess i get so many stuff tonight that i can't stop from sharing stuff to you guys - my virtual friends... hari ini Ivo (gak ada di foto) yang mimpin CG. dan kita ngomongin sin. sekarang ivo lagi pusing bgt mikirin tugasnya yg due in like 30 minutes. anyway, one or two things that touches me tonight are that i gues i have forgotten that all sin's wages is death. lying, killing, cursing, corrupting, yeah all those - each and every one of them - wages to death. it seems incredulous that it is that way. for our society sees "sin" as a "a dot of gray on white = grey, and it continues to be darker and darker and darker till it's pitch black" kind of thing. sometimes i felt, oh that one sin that i have is cursing. oh well, i know god has forgiven me and all i gotta do now is do my best not to do it again. but no. i've...

once i was told to wait. things were fine at first, but it gets harder and harder. try to drive in a pitch black storm. nothing but the headlight is guiding you. no cell phone signal, no street light, no nothing. just you in the car, driving with the head light on that lights the next five mile that you're about to drive to. will you get to your destination? eventually you will. now will i? these questions made me extremely melancholic. i watched Bride Wars just a moment ago. and i was left with a sigh and a smile. i prepared my lunch for the morning and blogged about how i don't want to go to sleep yet. despite my early class tomorrow, despite the lateness of the hour. despite my heavy sigh. now will i? eventually, somehow, i will.

one funny thing. my first val day in the states was spent waking up at 7-ish and going to church for a music practice and bible study. i didn't remember that it was valentine's day. i didn't remember till the next day, in fact. well, as i walked down to my bible study class, my friends was all in the other class and i just marched in and started singing "unbreak my heart". of course, my friends are like 'ah si jo jo, biasa lah...' (gue gak tau kenapa gue dipanggil jojo. padahal gw udan insist, untuk dipanggil joe). and i sang a bunch of other songs, until ivo said "jo, udah mandi blom?" and i told her that i didn't. and she said "pantesan kta masi single. valentine's aja gak mandi." LOL ~ yah, mau diapain dong... after bible study we went to Red Mill for a burger lunch, Green Lake for a hot chocolate at chocolati, and we took a few pics with my Lomo and Tim's slr, walked around the beautifully gigantic green lake and made so...

have a good one you guys!

Have you ever felt so little desire to live? I mean, not in a suicidal, emo way, but more in a day to day basis. Like, you can't find a reason to go to school than just to merely do it because you usually do it, or just because you pay 66 cents per minute for that school. I had, and boy was that a chore! I woke up late every single day and thus every single day i've got to run down the hill, not taking my breakfast along with me, praying that the bus won't leave me and that even if it did, i won't be late to class. every single day, can you imagine that? i didn't have a purpose to going to school (at least, for the last 3 weeks of the new semester), i didn't find joy in whatever i was doing, i though they were all just pure junk to clean up, a chore i've got to do, a bad music that i have to listen to for three more minutes cause the guy driving the car i was in likes those kind of songs. I thought, where did my purpose go? where did that first semester joy ...

Hidup itu gak gampang. Bahkan waktu dunia lu lagi baik-baik aja, lu butuh semangat yang bisa membuat elo melakukan yang terbaik setiap harinya. gue capek banget. ngak, bukan karena apa-apa. cuma kurang tidur aja. jadi otak gue gak lancar jalannya. buktinya dua jam kelas design fundamentals, satu sculpture baru pun gak ada yang jadi. this is crazy, man. padahal gue udah minum satu cup of coffee - and it didn't help me out at all. they say coffee wakes you up, it didn't work on me. gue ada meeting jam 6 sore nanti. mau bantuin si Jeun bikinin poster senior music recital-nya. i dont know why she trusted me on this so much. i mean, im a freshman and she's a senior (jazz major. seru kan?). Makanya, i jump at the first chance of helping her out. sekarang kelas udah selesai dari jam 4 dan gue masi di kelas gak bisa kerjain PR jadi cuma main geo challenge di facebook. dan kayanya skill gue gak nambah2. ntar malem juga mau langsung ke greja untuk prayer meeting. padahal gue bener2 p...

I am beaten but not broken. I believe in divine purpose, and i believe in a life set by the divine calling of God in our lives. Things are not going according to plan, but through this i learned a lot. I have a tendency to pray really hard when things went totally out of hands. when the light at the end of the tunnel is not visible anymore. And at such time, as history tells it, things began to work in wonders. I believe, and such faith has grown much, much stronger now, that God will do an amazing things tonight. Ivo told the group today to "concecrate ourselves for tomorrow God will do amazing things" as told in the book of Joshua. And trully, it just hit me now (like a minute ago) that the word was spoken to me personally. God told joshua more than three times to not be afraid "for the lord your god will be with you everywhere you go". and i trust that. what god has opened, no one can close. what god has closed, none can open. one call with my Dad changes my worr...

Something i was interested in Elementary School. To be completely truthful, i was inspired by Ajes yg nulis di buku gw kalo cita2nya mau jadi interior designer. Gw pikir,wah keren bgt namanya, gw juga mau ah! jadi in-te-ri-or disainer! Setelah lama di cari tahu, akhirnya kecantol sama lighting and room coloring. Cuma, pas masuk SMP mulai beredar isu karir yg lebih seru namanya grafik desainer. which is what im doing right now. Sayangnya, di SMA gw bener2 suka banget bikin movie, atau lebih tepatnya trailer dan mini clips for music. Maka itu, gw jadi tertarik masuk Motion Design di sini. Namun, karena plus-minusnya leaning towards Visual Communication, akhirnya gw ikutan vis-vom. Belum ketemu serunya sih, gw masi nunggu kelas Freehand. Kalau gw gak cepet2 diajarin, gw belajar sendiri! Anyway, here's a little peek to Interior Design. taken from ohdeedoh.com and apartmenteraphy.com i'm a sucker for big windows, high ceiling and open space since elementary school, i totally imagine...

gawat cowo ganteng di greja gue masuk ke otak gue terus. walau dia udah tua, kalo senyum lucu bgt. tiap kali gue mulai ngomong pasti dia langsung nyengir sambil pundaknya oglek-oglek. ngetawain gue sih, cuma kan... AH TIDAK STOP JOHANNA!!! nanti akan ada cowo yg seumuran sama elo dan seganteng dia dan sepinter dia dan semenarik dia dan sebaik dia... tunggu aja... tunggu aja... gawat gawat. dia mirip sama mr.pitsburg cuma versi cina-indo. bedanya dia jauh lebih vokal dan lebih kocak. gawat gawat. stop stop johanna. tidur sana!

is found! You're Holy by Darlene Zschech (wait, is that how you spell her name?). This song has a beautiful meaning to the lyrics. Y ou are holy, holy Lord there is none like You You are holy, holy Glory to You alone I'll sing Your praises forever Deeper in love with You Here in your courts Where I'm close to Your throne I've found where I belong Amazing isn't it? Simply soothing melody and humbling words. I am in love with God right now. Yes, my world may not go according to my wishes right now (as a matter of fact, my world is crumbling down by days), but just walking with God step by step, it has opened my eyes to so much more than i could ever planned for myself. Now i know how it feels like to be in a place where God's words are being shared daily. You are daily touched by God's goodness and i dont ever want it to stop. no one can take this joy away from me. not even my worldly circumstances. amen.

dan pikiran gue bener2 gak disini. mungkin karena Tuesday itu hari bangun pagi nasional - jam tujuh udah harus bangun dan berangkat ke sekolah jam 8. that's way early for my biological clock. atau mungkin juga karena kelas gue baru lagi dan temen2nya pada gak kenal2 gitu. dan gw lagi lemes ngomong. maka itu, walaupun ada cogan yg duduk pas didepan gw, i didn't do anything special. ha3. ok, gw jadi senyum2 sendiri. description: brunette, pake kupluk, shirt biru dan punya short beard. but no chance at all on my book cause he smokes. gampang kan? kelas lagi break makanya gw jadi bisa ngerjain hal2 geje begini. unlike our last class, kelas ini awfully silent. mungkin juga karena baru hari ke 2 sekolah. jadi pada blum ngobras. anyway, today is supposed to be the last day of school payment. and my account has less than a thousand dollars in it. at least 11 times more i need to get through today with no anxiety. moreover, hari ini hari terakhir joseph di states. sebal? tidak. cuma gak...

Too many things to mention. Bottom line is- Yoko Furusho is a Japanese illustrator. She incorporated lots of patterns, pastel colors, clear-solid-thin drawing lines and awesome little items in her illustrations (such as mushrooms, flowers, etc). Special note for Ames, she did Alice in Wonderland series too. ^sins ^moulin rogue ^hidden treasure Rodney Aland Greenblat is an american artist (who i guess is a buddhist, since he incorporated quite a few buddhist teaching to his artwork, and he did a couple of buddha portrait - of course in his naive, colorful style of work). His artstyle is unimaginably fun and bold. I love the way he uses color and the way he describe things by painting them in 2D with bld colors, patterns and full filled canvas with every possible eye catching shapes included. His works reminded me of Foster Home For Imaginary Friends - only more daring and fun. His works are just perfectly amusing to enjoy! oh, and believe it or not, he was born in 1960. Pretty cool fo...

A new art link: Yoko Furusho. Her style is somewhat like mine, only with more pastel colors, controlled lines and detail in pattern and overall feel to it. ah masa di gereja ada cowo cakep yg keren banget? ah masa sih dia setua itu? oh pantes lo gak senorak pas lo suka sama Mr Pittsburg... ternyata lelaki ini walaupun ganteng dan lucu dan bisa maen drum (coincidence?), dia sudah bangkotan. johanna, johanna, gak pernah bener liat cogan, ya. ah masa belum dapet uang sekolah? ah masa sih gak takut di kick out? oh pantes lo tenang banget. You are fully persuaded that God has the power to do what he had promised. johanna, johanna, nunggu miracle bilang2 dong... ah masa seneng puasa? ah masa sih, gak kelaperan sampe mau mati? oh pantes lo santai aja. masi liburan kan? jadi belum kerasa pas lo kuliah gimana rasanya juggling all these activities with no food in your system. johanna, johanna, you're going to need all your luck these days, huh? ah masa besok udah sekolah? masa sih udah gak t...

i've been noticing what people have been noticing since forever. (92/93 the only time when i looked my age) i looked like a kid, there's no denying it and there's no fooling it. ^ year 5/6 (spot me yet? gw ngadep ke samping kanan, ada diantara cowo2 situ) ^ year 6/7 (all these kids are at least a year younger than i was - and still i looked way younger than them. and way tinnier too!) ^ year 11 (ha, gue kaya anak kecil ditengah anak SMA) ^ year 12 (thanks to mira yang gayanya seru, gw jadi gak kebanting sama cewe2 sexy pose diatas sana. yes, i take guru gue sebagai one of those sexy posing girls. antm bgt.) i always said to myself that by the time i'm 40 something, people will think that i am 30 something. not bad huh? well, not when i looked back on my school photos. im a KID! oh well, i could just say that my friends looked "old".