JOE IS DYING

I am not sure about a lot of things, lately. Here is where life could go into so many different directions, and I am not making any of those decisions. Honestly speaking I do not even know if I could go anywhere. I've been trying to make realistic imaginations of what I could be doing, but none of that sounds exciting enough to pursue. Am I wrong here? Is this the wakehood..?

The time has come again, to see where I am at. ya tuhan gua ngak ngerti ini gimana. gua ngak tau mau gua apa juga, jadi gimana gua mau ngomongin next steps kalo gua ngak tau apa2 gini. hancur lah hancur. I really need to pray about it. I really need guidance, more than just 'everything is going to be fine', god. really. Give me something.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Devi has succesfully bring me back into Naruto. After seven years of Hiatus, 100-something chapters, I am back on the band wagon. Now reading chapter 342, the most profound thing. Read this Shikamaru's dad: (talking about Shougo game/ Japanese Chess) Who's the king? Shikamaru: The unborn children who will be the village's future ninjas We're fighting, striving and pushing for the next generation. This is our cause, the reason we always reach for the better, even if it meant sacrificing our comforts or breaking the norms. If you want to be stronger, you gotta find someone you want to protect, right? So, this sounds like the right way to go. Fight for the kids.

Si papih, dari ngomongin indomie bisa nyambung ke cari pacar expor kirim2 indomie ke texas.. bokap siapa yang paling kocak? bokap gua bokap gua! Hari ini kerasa kaya hari Jumat. Even Rendel thought so. Trus malem2 sambil meeting sama Lee, sambil maen sama Momo (nama sandi) anaknya. Gila, gua uda lama bgt nga ngobrol sama anak cornish. and meeting Momo again was a breath of fresh air. Finally a young designer talk! hehehee. Gua seneng maen sama Momo, gara2 anaknya diem2 dan aneh, tapi gua bisa be myself around him (consider the 'english' part of our friendship. it's pretty impressive that i can translate all my weirdness into this second language around Momo). nyah nyah nyah. *pat pat momo*

gua harus bilang ini ke seseorang dan gua pikir, mungkin gua bisa tulis di blog gua ini- yang nga banyak pembacanya. ini rahasia, jangan bilang siapa2: kadang2 di kantor gua suka buka (____) karena nga comfy kalo pake (____). katanya buat support. kok support bikin kesel? -____-"

Johanna is starting a new self project, it's called quiet. It's about minimizing the noises around me, the noise inside my head. To learn to listen to God, to my heart, and to begin feeling. How is it going to look like? 1. Stop talking to myself, or to the air, or to imaginary people. 2. Try to quietly ponder. I tried it today (being quiet) while waiting for the bus. I looked around me and listened, I watched the busses went by, and a sense of peace and gratefulness came over me. For no apparent reason. Or maybe, for being where I am. Somewhere I'm supposed to be.

So, we're getting pretty serious on this motionography deal, huh? Guess it's time to set aside some real money to get a DSLR that shoots video. Let's push. Let's not settle. "never settle on ok"- that's my new motto. If we are made for glory, then glorious things we shall do.

Jadi, bagainmana rasanya kerja di sini? Udah hampir dua bulan gua kerja disini (unless dihitung dari jaman gua intern disini.. 1/2 taon), dan sejauh ini rasanya sangat menyenangkan. For one, gua bisa kerja dengan orang2 yang super talented, dan baek2. (Tangent: aneh ya, nulis pake bahasa indo. the way the letters held up against each other is different) As kimbra says, they challenge me in the best way. Gua nga give up hope, atau jadi pengen keluar karena merasa ngak berharga, but they push me and guide me very smartly. Pernah sih kena semprot sekali, but it wasn't a biggie. Salah gua, dan gua blajar dari sana. Hari ini ulang tahunnya si pianis yang jago koding. Namanya bob, tapi nama aslinya eric. lol banget nga sih? Gua merasa bersalah karena gua udah janji mau beliin whiskey buat dia, tapi karena wallet gua nga jelas sembunyi dimana (dan nga punya duit di bank) akhirnya gua tidur dengan perasaan was-was. But, when i came to work today, si ganteng ternyata beliin di...

Ci Ika sekarang lagi dirumah sakit..  Cervixnya udah dilate for 2cm, and she's still got 2 months to go if she wants to do a full 9 month term. Keeping her and Ko iman in my prayers. God, please keep Baby A and Baby B safe, growing and healthy in Ci Ika's womb until your best of time. I trust you Jesus. I've been here since 5pm now. The kids are having dinner at Honey Court. But since their cars are pretty filled up, I'm waiting at the hospy until 11. Really grateful that Eilene (the nurse) didn't kick me out. We've got 45 minutes to go - ish. Updates from le work place, I currently work at krs (nama tempat-nya gua singkat biar nga ke google for precautions). I made sure today that Rob and Randall remember that they can always delegate any kinds of work to me. I'm great at motion stuff, but if they need help with moodboarding and designing websites.. sure. Hope I don't disappoint. Again, this worrying part of me goes "eeks", but I gotta kno...

U kno, one of the best things about living in Seattle is that I get to stretch my heart and learn to love. Yes, yes, i know i havent reached the end of my stay here to bring 4 years into conclusion, but as the years have shown thus far, seattle is teaching me how to love and how to cherish those moments. Like how i spent my birthday today and how the people celebrate with me. Cakes in the morning with 4 of my favorite ladies, talks and laughs at 12am with the masmans and half of the yesler boys (sakaw and theo), chill time with cine after wok, trus small dinner eith my lovely cg and movies with the big downtown family. I mean, god, you bless me beyond my imagination! These people are the sweetest, funniest and cutest creatures out there. And i know, coming from Johanna those compliments sounded unreal, but it took 4 years to bring me to love that way. Ask me 3 years ago if my “friends” are that lovable, i could say i cant even fathom that. My prayer and my wish for my birthday ...

stories: real, inspiring, reflective, generate change. take time to listen. take time to think. the word "hope" sounds very current, modern, also utopian. yet, it's the sound of the beginning of days. the continuum of the universe. it begins with a flicker of imagination, a bright light of many colors at the first day of the galaxy. the same word will resound when fire burns old foundations to ashes. when our omega comes. this word matters when you have it, or lack it. maybe that's what humanity been fighting for; to see hope, to have hope, to find hope.

Reading my group emails today made me anxious. first i missed a meeting because i didn't check my email before leaving the house for easter service. completely forgot about it. Came back, read like 4-5 emails with different subjects (i don't know why these kids keep doing this) and two corresponding ones had HUGE dramas going on. bikin M A R A H #*@&%$KIDS!^%$#* nga bisa apa chill-an dikit, give some time. atau yg satunya, nga bisa apa langsung bales e-mail. mesti di push down pride-nya, baru marah2 trus submit kerjaan. BZAH!!!

As a part of my procrastination today, I will talk about perfumes that I like: 1. White Tea and Ginger by Bath and Body Works: When I'm wearing this I feel independent, stable, and focused. I used this in high school, re-purchase this when a BBW classic scents sale came up last year. This is definitely a comfortable scent for me. It smells fresh, and clean (more in the leafy range). Tones in this body spray:  Yuzu, Lemon, Green Tea, Bergamot, Geranium, Nutmeg, Rose, Earl Grey Tea, Musk, Woods, Berries.  You can definitely smell the lemon and green tea in here. Not much of musk, woods or berries - imo. 2. Brit Sheer by Burberry: When I'm wearing this, I feel feminine, soft and quiet. I bought the roll on version of this, because I wasn't sure if I would like it, or have the time to finish the whole bottle before getting bored. It is light and floral. Fresh on first spray (or roll, in my case) with hints of sweet fruits like pear, and lychee. For some reason, I ...

Hari ini gua baru kerja dikit di indo cafe (kerjain projek akhir, sambil ngemil batagor). Dengerin obrolannya Angie and Adrian tentang orang2 yg ud di Seattle dr jaman awal 2000-an, gua jadi mikir... Am I ready to settle down in a place of transition? Seattle is a place of transition. A lot of my friends will not stay for a long time in the states. Four to six years max, and they move back to our beautifully, corrupted homeland. Gua ngak tau apakah Tuhan bakal bawa gua untuk balik ke kota macet itu lagi, atau jahit gua ke amerika (jadi bagian tambalan baru ke negara yang hampir musnah ini - IMHO. Maaf orang2 amerika, gua nga percaya sama ekonomi kalian). Di pikiran gua, gua pengen menetap bareng temen2 yang bakal grow old sama gua. Ngak lucu dong, kalo gua hang out sama anak2 college melulu - padahal gua ud bangkotan dan punya momongan. Cuma, ya, apa sih yang gua tau tentang masa depan. Berharap aja ngak yakin. On the other hand, sekarang gua super sibuk. Banyak kerjaan yang ...

Apparently masih banyak yang harus dikerjain sebelum bisa masuk ke weekend. contohnya: harus buat artist statement untuk BFA show, terus bikin storyboard buat scripts, bikin characters buat animation and work on my freelance work. wah lumayan banyak ya, on our plate. minggu depan gua juga ada ministry. ini saatnya untuk STOP being IDLE and work on things by thorough planning. i am fueling myself with soda currently. because i know i can't take coffee. warm drinks = comfortable. caffeine = unfocused. coffee = comfortably distracted. ^^ eniwei. im going to work on another thing, while waiting till 5 to go home. straight to church. god's blessings im countin! thank you ~

inspired:   one more http://youtu.be/vDGrfhJH1P4

it's almost 3, and i'm at the end of my energy. i should've eaten the whole sub, but i didn't cuz i concerned abt how polite i eat. uigh, so indo, me.

#THANK YOU delivered from something this close your love never fails never gives up never runs out on me

waiting. what to do while i wait? worship.

Because you never forget you will remain and you will stay loving strong providing greatly immeasurable is the way you make me yours you are god and i am filled with praise my heart it beats and it thumps with every words i could say or the intangible whispers that you hear i am on the floor grateful unswayable your hands over me immovable once you chose me surely i am marked surely i am pierced yours