JOE IS DYING

The Thing. Itu kan yang selalu kita cari? Seakan-akan, kalau kita nemuin "hal itu" semuanya akan mudah dimengerti. Saat ini, dihidup gua sendiri, gua lagi nyari "my thing". Sebuah hal yang mau gua lakukan karena gua suka dan gua pengen berkarir didalam bidang tersebut. Secara garis besar, itu doang kategori gua buat "my thing" ini. Gua harus suka, dan gua harus mau ngelakuin ini terus-terusan. Mungkin ini adalah dampak sistem pendidikan Generasi Millenial. "Follow your passion" atau "kejar aspirasimu." Itu yang selalu terngiang-ngiang di majalah, film, buku, apapun itu lah. Bahkan guru-guru juga suka memberikan itu sebagai sebuah nasehat. "Kamu akan lebih berhasil kalau kamu melakukan apa yang kamu suka. Sesuai dengan passion kamu." Sayangnya buat gua, gua kebanyakan passion. Alih-alih, kebanyakan mau (side note, alih-alih itu artinya apa sih sebenernya? Gua make-nya tanpa pengetahuan gitu). Gua kebanyakan interests....

Tadi malem -- sambil badan yang lagi re-winding, dan re-charging -- gua mimpi. Ada seseorang bertanya ke gua tentang phobia. Dia mempertanyakan ini ke orang-orang disekitar gua. Kita berdiri deket-deketan, saling menyentuh punggung seakan kita di photobooth yang kecil. Beberapa bilang uler, ada yang bilang ketinggian. Ditengah-tengah itu, ada yang nyeletuk tentang burung dan gua dengan serunya ikut nyerocos tentang burung dan ayam dan semua unggas yang bikin gua bergidik. Orang ini obviously ngak percaya sama gua. Di saat itu lah, dari belakang, gua ngerasain ada orang yang jalan mendekati gua. Perut gua mulai muter, karena gua tau orang itu lagi bawa sejenis burung di tangannya. Burungnya kecil, sebenernya gua ngak perlu takut. Tapi apa daya, kaki gua mulai melemah. Bulu rhoma di punggung gua udah berdiri semua, menjalar naik dari pundak ke tengkuk belakang. Siapa sih nih orang yang dengan sengaja nakut-nakutin gua! Sejenak gua kesal ke dia, mencoba untuk mengumpulkan sege...

Cuma sedikit lagu yang bisa bikin gua meneteskan air mata. Tapi, karena tepatnya setiap lirik lagu dengan kondisi hati gua belakangan ini, akhirnya berhasil lah john mayer menarik butiran-butiran air asin dari bola mata gua (well, technically dari tear duct, but you know what I mean). Lagu si bapak Mayer ini adalah tentang ngak mau makin gede. Menolak kedewasaan karena takut, karena ngak siap. Terdengar agak labil, tapi bro.. emang masa kecil adalah masa paling bahagia, paling ngak punya tanggung jawab. Namun, bukan hal ini yang mau gua omongin.. Setelah berhasil curcol sepanjang 2 paragraf, sebenernya gua mau ngomongin tentang "Age Gap" atar generasi. Di lagu "Stop This Train"-nya John Mayer (iye, lagu yang bikin gua nangis), dia bilang 1 generation is about 10 years time. Contoh, lu anak yang lahir tahun 80-an pasti beda gaya sama anak yang lahir tahun 90-an, apalagi sama anak-anak millenium yang lahir tahun 2000-an (kaya Panji.. temennya Saras). Gua pun...

Malam ini rampung sudah Imago Conference, produksi dari CBN Indonesia. Imago adalah conference untuk orang-orang yang ber"gulat" di creative industry: dari film-maker, advertisers, writers, sampe kreatif-kreatif TV/PH. Di hari pertama, ada 8 kelas workshop yang dibagi jadi 4 sesi. Disana, lo harus bertaruh memilih kelas-kelas berdurasi 1 jam, dan berdoa tuh workshop bisa mengajari lo sesuatu (yang sesuatu banget.-- apa maksudnya coba?). Dari 4 kelas yang gua ambil, ada beberapa yang benar-benar stellar dan bikin gua giddy and excited inside. The classes range from something more on the conceptual side, all the way to downright technical. Kalau malu liat insights gua dari conference hari ke-1.. Monggo cek twitter saya yang udah saya bomb dengan berbagai quotes (and paraphrases) from the workshops --> @yeahJOE. Hari ke-2 isinya lebih konseptual. Kita diajak mikir sebagai bangsa indonesia yang plural, yang 'bhineka tunggal ika.' Kita di ingatkan lagi untuk berk...

Semenjak pulang dari seattle, jumlah baju gua berkurang drastis. Basically, cuma seperempat dari wardribe gua di seattle yang gua bawa balik ke Jakarta. Celana dalem juga, gua kuras abis, dan sisanya cuma yang masih bagus dan enak dipake. Susahnya, minggu-minggu pertama di Jakarta, gua suka ngak punya baju (dan kehabisan celana dalem). So, gua buatin list baju yang minimal harus dibawa buat kalian yang bakal pindah ke kota lain, atau bakal tinggal di kos-an (karena nge-gandul baju selemari itu berat, bro!) : 1. Work (or school) Outfit For obvious reasons.. Lu bakal pake baju-baju beginian most of the time. Untuk gua, that outfit selection looks like: 1 Blazer, 2 Cardigans, 4 Tops, 2 Celana, 2 Rok 2. Baju Rumah Kalau yang ini adalah section favorit gua. Terdiri dari: 2 Celana basket 2 Training shorts 5 Kaos 1 Hoodie bahan flanel yang superrrr nyaman Baju rumah gua juga menduo jadi baju training. So, kalau gua butuh ke gym, gua cuma butuh bawa sports bra, and ...

When I think about death, it made me wonder: yeah, kenapa sih kita begitu takut dengan kematian? Gua belum pernah hampir mati, jadi pikiran gua belum pernah sampe sana. Tapi, coba kalau kita bayangkan bareng-bareng.. coba tutup mata kamu dan pikirin. Apa yang akan terlintas di otak kamu kalau kamu tau, dalam satu menit kamu akan mati? Here is my list of thoughts: 1. Have I done enough? 2. Masih banyak kekurangan dalam hidup gua.. gua belum perfect. 3. Will it hurt? 4. What's my family to do..? 5. Let's see.. Kalau kamu, apa list pikiranmu? Personally, gua ngerasa kalau kerjaan gua di bumi belum memadai, gua belum melakukan "my purpose" disini -- apapun itu. Perasaan "belum perfect" itu menunjukan kalau gua selalu mencoba meraih sesuatu, meraih gol emas kesempurnaan. Mungkin kesempuranaan sebagai "orang baik" atau "penuh jasa untuk generasi mendatang." Apapun itu lah.. Lalu, ada quote ini yang gua temuin: "It was sin ...

Udah lama gua ngak nulis cerita fiksi.. Tapi, barusan, ditemani dengan sekotak coklat chip cookies, gua masuk ke alam imajinasi dan menuliskan ini: Sax and Scat  |  at latenightrambles.blogspot.com Ini excerpt buat yang pengen digoda (di-tease, maksudnya): "Kau urus saja hatimu, Rez. Aku akan mengurus hatiku sendiri." Itu kata-kata terakhirnya. Tanpa pesan sampai jumpa, tanpa tengokan kebelakang. Ia berjalan keluar dari restoran, rambutnya yang panjang berkibas ke kiri dan kekanan. Reza yakin, Dilla tidak menangis malam itu... (baca lanjutannya) Di check out ya, Guys! Blog ini kan rata-rata isinya kisah-kisah nyata. Ngak seseru kisah-kisah bohongan di blog gua yang satunya lagi, loh. Cocok dibaca buat malam-malam galau nan sendu. Sekalian, dengerin ini: Fin De L'Affaire by Hank Mobley. Lu bakal ke transport deh, ke masa-masa sebelum lu hidup.

Sharing lagu lagi.. Kalau lagi mau nge-chill while writing, this is the music to go for. It keeps you awake with the bass, but relaxed with that simple guitar notes. Enjoi :)

Visit the game: http://jokowi.site.my.id/ The thing with Jokowi is that he's got the youngsters going. He's the closest face of hope from a sea of untrustworthy politicians. To say that he's going to "Selamatkan Indonesia" is quite a hyperbole, in my cynical mind. Cause, it would take an army of believers to do that. One army that would stand for everything that he's doing, and actually goes to action with him. One united army of indonesians, who love their country and could see beyond what it looks like now. We need someone who can capture that hope of a new Indonesia. Someone who can actually do the things he was tasked with. Who is both capable as well as intelligent at it. Whose work will not end after 4 years, but will be continued by his successor. At the end of the day, that man should be able to capture the aspirations of his people, and has to have a history of listening to the people, and doing what is best for them openly and transpare...

It's funny how certain music can takes you back to places, to moments and conversations shared over it. Khalil Fong is one of those singers that has a special spot in my memory vault. His creamy tones and RnB tunes reeled me in instantly. I mean, by the first couple of seconds. I remember, rainy seattle, cruising through the Interstate-5 in Devi's blue A4 Audi with Julia sitting shotgun. She took out her, at the time black HTC phone (which we now curse to the bottom of the sucky phone list) and played this song. Obviously, my RnB soul jolted awake and asked who the singer was, and why is his music so damn fine. After that, my love relationship with Khalil Fong continues, the same way it continues with Gabe Bondoc .. long after I parted ways with Julia. (I miss you TU TONG HUI!! One moment that I have with this song was one special afternoon with the girls. I think it was after a Photo Shoot at Discovery Park with Tam (our fabulous model). The shoot went for what ...

Pagi ini sebenernya gua berniat untuk pergi berenang sebelum memulai aktivitas di hari sabtu  (nongkrong didepan komputer, bikin script dan storyboard buat 2 proyek multimedia). Tapi, sungguh ngak ketebak kalau gua bakal bangun jam 11 siang, dan akhirnya ngak berhasil melakukan to-do list gua sampe jam 4.25pm. Big surprise. Nge-pas banget, di TV lagi main The Devil Wears Prada, salah satu film favorit gua. In between gorgeous dresses and sharp tounged dialogues, I feel like Andy's situation is somewhat reflective of mine. She was in this half way point between hating her work place and wanting to please her boss, when Miranda calls her in and bashed her to the point of tears. She walked out of the room, complaining to Nigel that she wants just a little bit of credit for her work. But, our lovely and sassy Nigel grounded Andy to her place and told her to wake up, dry your tears, and bust dat ass workin'. Ok.. maybe not that black , but you know what I mean. Pas gua nont...

Alright, we've survived the half point, kids! It's been 7 months since we touched down Jakarta, and as you all have read we haven't necessarily survived without a scratch. But alas, we pressed on and here we are! Maybe you want to hear an update on life thus far.. (since I left you off with such a disheartening post a month ago) But I shall not speak of my life on this post. Rather, I shall talk about my huuurrr (read: hair). Notice: When I talk about my hair, my inner black-diva takes over. So, be prepared,  huney . #CurlsDontCare As you know, I am a proud owner and flaunter of muh curly hair. I've never spoken about this subject before here, but those who've known me personally will attest that I take extra care of my gorgeous crown. Fluff fluff. However, ever since moving back to Jakarta, I had to re-figure my hair. My hair is dry and often frizzy. It couldn't last me 3 days, it definitely has lost its previous definition. My guess is that Jakarta...

It's been a while since I had a quiet saturday such as today. I spent almost half of it asleep, the other half watching TV with my parents, and the tiny percentage left, I spent it crying. Sometimes I wished that doing what I'm doing would be easier than this, or to make it worth while, let the work produce some sort of a fulfillment, a sense of pride maybe? But the work that I'm doing gives me none of that. They are unworthy of being in my portfolio. Some are just worthless crap decorated with christian bow tie wrapped around it. Honestly, I heard bits of good reviews on the work, but I don't think it means anything. No lives changed, no minds opened. This stuff I do is ending up as turds. And to make it clear as daylight to me, my big boss thinks similarly of my work, and he made it very clear every time we meet. Not very encouraging, if you think about it. In one hand, I would gladly leave my spot, and do work that I could proudly stand behind. On the other h...

Saya mau muntah. Entah untuk alasan apa, tapi rasanya ada sebuah endapan berumur 9 bulan yang mau keluar dari terowongan leher ini. Keluarga saya memiliki sebuah rencana untuk menyusun hidup baru disebuah kota mimpi. Dulu saya mencintai kota tersebut. Saya mengidam-idamkan bisa tinggal disana; menikmati angin di pelabuhan tua-nya, menantang fajar yang muncul di atas bukit berangin-nya. Disetiap jalanan berbatu bata seakan terselip rahasia cerita dimasa tua, masa sebelum api besar menghanguskan setengah dari kota tersebut. Saya belum pernah jatuh hati, namun jika perasaan itu sama dengan kali pertama saya menikmati kota itu, saya ingin jatuh hati setiap hari. Detik ini di tahun yang lalu, saya bertekad mencari pekerjaan disana, tinggal dan menetap di kota impian. Saya pernah menceritakan rencana tersebut kepada seorang teman kuliah, namun diantara lelucon dan bual-bualan, ia memohon saya untuk tinggal bersamanya hingga ia lulus. Ia menarik jari kelingking saya untuk berjanji, na...

It's been a while since I did a post like this.. So, enjoy some of the music that has been playing in my night work time: RAC - Let Go ft. Kele and MNDR Nothing beats the simple fun beat that this music carries. Besides, the video is hauntingly cool. NONONO - Pumpin Blood Feeling like dancing to swedish pop? Betty Who - You're In Love The sound of Passion Pit with the voice of indie Katy Perry. Isn't that perfect? Tulus-Sewindu This guy is unbeatable. He could really steal my heart just by the sound of his voice. His music is the honest mix of indo-easy-listening-jazz-pop incredibility, as such: Suddenly September ft. Teza Sumendra - Chocolate High And the list won't be complete without a heart throb. I'm a fan girl over this heart breaker. His voice is Barry White low, slurty as melted chocolate, with a sexy Drake face. I'm sorry Doug Baldwin, but you've just been beaten by an Indo. Now I can go back to work. I'll see you...

A friend just got preggers. No scratch that, a friend just gave birth. A friend is a mom. Same age friend is a mom. I am amazed.. and shocked. Did I tell you she got married last month? Or at least her wedding facebook pics just went up in november. I hope it's just tardy uploads. On a lighter, more noteworthy, note.. See that. Look at the second man in red . L o o k at him. IT'S COACH AND HE'S BACK!!!!! * Roll on the floor, scream and run across the hall, jump for joy, all hail NEW GIRL!!*

It is 30 Minutes before the passing of 2013. I've just welcomed my parents back from a surprise dinner-date at Cacaote, which I planned perfectly. The 2013 blog posts has been re-read, and now I'm ready with the 7 things I learn this year: 1. Stop doing , more being . It is a well known tale that Johanna is a doer. She does everything, the tackles every project, she can't stay put. But early this year, with stress weighing down her shoulders, and worries increasing her heart beat rate, she realized that she had too much on her plate and must stop. Stop and smell the roses. By that I mean, I learn to take my time and enjoy the doing. This process is something I must learn to enjoy. 2. What's important is not the jar, but the water within. Outer appearance matters little when compared to the contents I carry within me. Like, my emotional stability, my joy and peace, my thoughts and pursuits, my characters. They matter more than my biceps. Even when I realize th...

Days like these don't come often. I had to resist the lure to romanticize it, but I know I will fail. So, why not push the romanticism envelope even further - further than the truth? Pardon me if the words you're about to read will trigger acidic reactions down under. Last night, I went to my first Indo wedding of someone I actually care for. The groom is a friend from the states, much older than I am, had been in this relationship for a couple years short to a decade. His reception was definitely a romantic's dream: pink-purple lights against white sakura trees, food to feed a few hundred mouths, a full jazz band (4 trumpets, 4 violinists, etc etc). It was simpler than other richies' weddings, but one thing that was most evident from the event: The groom's joy. He was beaming. He was vocal. He was bopping and snapping his fingers, walking to the stage! The sweet but reserved Ko Jul is overjoyed! From the stage he pointed at us, tiny group of Seattle-lites, ...

Early July this year, I packed my life into 2 suitcases and moved back to Jakarta. On the way home, I spent a night in Tokyo, a city I've always wanted to see. I didn't have much time, so I scheduled all the things I wanted to do, down to the minutes. But of course, that did not happen. In the midst of awe to the new topography, and the obvious language challenge, I abandoned all plans and stick to 2: Get a good ramen, and walk around Shibuya. So, I did that and some.. Note to travelling alone: Get acquainted with the language. My first sentence (and I'm quite proud about this) was "Sumimasen, information wa doko desuka?" to an elderly, kind looking lady at the Eapoto (It's Airport, show off). Then my possible third sentence was an unclear plea of "Do I just slide the tickets in for ___ station? Do I even have the right ticket?" which came out as, "Ano.. ticketo wa?" then some furious wagging of hands around the ticket counter...

Oh Yes! Following my Nov 5 disappointment log.. Here's a break of fresh air. I finally got a chance to go to visit Pulau Seribu with my Gurl: Devi. I didn't pay a lot of attention to taking pictures, despite the many that was posted on Instagram (check: Tresdivine ). My SLR was quite forgotten for a good chunk of Day 2 and 3. Mind you, I am not a photographer. I am a videographer. So, being left without a motion capturing device was pretty disabling for me. Sad. Nonetheless, below are some of the eye candies I get to capture and experience. Overall the break had successfully swim tan me. Now, I got a massive black X across my back, thus my sincere farewell to strapless dress for now. Additionally a definite black forehead. Sexy stuff, I must confess. The time was spent mostly snorkeling (which was the best decision ever) and adventuring around the island; kayaking, hiking, swimming and spending time with the locals. I wish I had pics of Mas Miki, Mba Roh, Pak Guide (his rea...