3 Cara Move-On buat Si Pemberani
Lo pernah nggak ngerasa tiba-tiba sensitif dan sentimen, padahal selama ini lo ngerasa cukup logis? Lo liat apa yang lo suka, lo kejer, dan lo dapetin. Masalah "jatuh bangun" nggak pernah bikin lo takut. Pokoknya sampai ke finish line. Elo adalah Si Pemberani, dan Perjuangan adalah nama bokap lo.
Namun selayaknya roda yang berputar, apa yang ada di atas harus turun kebawah. Hal yang selama ini jadi kebanggaan dan kesayangan lo, sekarang nggak ada artinya sama sekali. Lo ngerasa hancur. Mimpi lo kandas, ekpektasi rata sama tanah. Seperti kehilangan identitas, lo jadi nggak tau cara menjelaskan situasi ini ke siapa-siapa. Dan hati lo... Ah, hati itu cuma sejenis mitos dewa dewi yunani.
Lo mulai bertanya-tanya, kenapa sih masalah hati ini begitu jitu melumpuhkan kesehatan? Bisa bikin gue nggak selera makan, nggak fokus beraktivitas, pengennya marah, tapi bisanya cuma bengong mandangin sekotak ubin sambil mikirin cara jedotin kepala yang nggak nyakitin tapi cukup lethal buat bikin amnesia. Demi apa pun, lo adalah Si Pemberani, tapi kenapa karena satu masalah lo jadi kalap?
Jawabannya: because it was real.
It was as real as it was beautiful. Lo mempercayakan hati lo untuk bermimpi, untuk berharap. Sayang, itulah keberanian yang paling jujur.
It was as real as it was natural. Satu hal yang gue mau bilang; sakit itu natural. Sakit itu normal. Sakit itu manusiawi. Sakit hati nggak berarti lo bukan lagi "Si Pemberani". Rasa sakit ini cuma nunjukin kalau elo sangat peduli sama masalah ini. Mau diputusin, diduain, ngecewain orang tua, atau gagal berbisnis, dipecat, di D.O. dari sekolah... Manusia adalah manusia. Biarkan diri lo berduka, meneriaki rumput yang bergoyang, dan mengutuki diri sendiri.
Waktu yang dibutuhkan memang berbeda-beda buat tiap orang, tapi kalau lo adalah Si Pemberani, lo bakal nggak sabar untuk move-on dan kembali beraktivitas seperti hari-hari normal lo. Kalau kata orang yang hyper macho (gue), "bersedih-sedihan itu kaya main di lumpur. Pertamanya terasa bebas, tapi 5 detik kemudian, pengen mandi."
So, udah siap? Waktunya Si Pemberani move on.
Notice: I'll start writing in English now cause I'm on my preach mode. You should know this by now. I set the rules, okieee.
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| Photo by Ann Danilina on Unsplash |
1. Hit that replay button.
If you're going to replay those painful mistakes in your mind, might as well do it. Yup, I stand by this 100%. Replay those mistakes secara kronologis dari awal sampe akhir, liat dari setiap sudut perspektif. Rasain semua hepinya, semua sakitnya. Rasain bego sebego-begonya elo.Baru lo mulai ngeliat dengan jelas kesalahan lo dan kebenaran elo.
Ini kuncinya; be completely candid and HONEST to yourself. Yes, you feel stupid, and you might want to save your ego even when there's no one in the room. But your ego has no place in this. You have to let things go.
The number one thing that keeps us in the same spot is the Ego. Ego makes us think that we're right, that we deserved more. Truth is, we're not always right. If we're always right, do you think you'll be down and out in the first place?
So, leave your ego at the door and admit you have a part in this. You made a choice you wouldn't in hindsight. That's called a mistake and it's ok. The brave knows when to admit this hard truth.
Kenapa gue sakit hati? Karena gue diputusin. Kenapa gue diputusin? Karena kita udah saling menjauh. Kenapa kita saling menjauh? Karena kita sibuk dengan urusan masing-masing. Kenapa gue sibuk? Karena kerja gue prioritaskan kerja diatas pacar gue. Kenapa prioritas gue kerja? Karena boss gue galak dan nggak mau ngecewain dia. Kenapa nggak mau ngecewain dia? Karena... Terus terus terus...
If you dig deep enough, most of the time the root is your lack of something. A lack of real connection can breed loneliness. Feeling unwanted can breed people-pleasing performances. A lack of genuine satisfaction can breed hedonism or workaholism. It's like you're standing at a cliff, facing a huge abyss that separates you from the place you've always want to be. You know you should be on the other side but what can bridge you there?
I believe nothing can fill that gap. Not a higher profit, a better loving, a winning position, can fill that gap. Because it's a core identity thing, it's deeper than logic, it's deeply spiritual. It separates the you in reality right now with the you that your Maker had designed you to be. This abyss of mistakes, brokenness, and hurts, can only be bridged by being in right standing with God. Therefore, knowing what your Designer says about your true worth and your true place in the world.
And what is my true worth anyway? Your true worth is that you are worthy of love. A self-sacrificial kind of love. Your identity is that you are first loved by your maker*. So much that despite all your wrongs and brokenness of sin that separates you from Him, He still chose to love you by dying on the cross to rid you off of all your sins**. He becomes the bridge to get you back in right standing with God, righteous, and complete***. His name is Jesus Christ.
Coming to terms with our brokenness and reaching out to God our Healer is the only real way to get to the other side of healing. In this part, the brave's bravado has no place. Rather, humble yourself before The Lord and let Him mend your heart whole.
Allow yourself the time and grace to grow into a new person out of all these.
Your brain might know what it needs to do, but does your heart know that too? Can your body handle the strain? Emotional stuff is holistically taxing! It's easy to get back to the grind but it's only going to distract you. I want to challenge you to do the exact opposite: to just be present. Just exist with no pressure.
Observe your surrounding. Breathe. Let yourself be captivated by another kind of beauty. Watch the clouds pass by and paint it. Learn something new. Set up dinner dates with your girlfriends. Anything that makes you realize that the world is still turning and you're still a part of its beautiful dance.
*1 John 4:9-10
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| Photo by Alex Azabache on Unsplash |
2. Get to the bottom of it. No, the actual bottom.
You want to know what is the ROOT of the problem. Go ahead, be that obnoxious 5 year old, and keep asking "Why?"Kenapa gue sakit hati? Karena gue diputusin. Kenapa gue diputusin? Karena kita udah saling menjauh. Kenapa kita saling menjauh? Karena kita sibuk dengan urusan masing-masing. Kenapa gue sibuk? Karena kerja gue prioritaskan kerja diatas pacar gue. Kenapa prioritas gue kerja? Karena boss gue galak dan nggak mau ngecewain dia. Kenapa nggak mau ngecewain dia? Karena... Terus terus terus...
If you dig deep enough, most of the time the root is your lack of something. A lack of real connection can breed loneliness. Feeling unwanted can breed people-pleasing performances. A lack of genuine satisfaction can breed hedonism or workaholism. It's like you're standing at a cliff, facing a huge abyss that separates you from the place you've always want to be. You know you should be on the other side but what can bridge you there?
I believe nothing can fill that gap. Not a higher profit, a better loving, a winning position, can fill that gap. Because it's a core identity thing, it's deeper than logic, it's deeply spiritual. It separates the you in reality right now with the you that your Maker had designed you to be. This abyss of mistakes, brokenness, and hurts, can only be bridged by being in right standing with God. Therefore, knowing what your Designer says about your true worth and your true place in the world.
And what is my true worth anyway? Your true worth is that you are worthy of love. A self-sacrificial kind of love. Your identity is that you are first loved by your maker*. So much that despite all your wrongs and brokenness of sin that separates you from Him, He still chose to love you by dying on the cross to rid you off of all your sins**. He becomes the bridge to get you back in right standing with God, righteous, and complete***. His name is Jesus Christ.
Coming to terms with our brokenness and reaching out to God our Healer is the only real way to get to the other side of healing. In this part, the brave's bravado has no place. Rather, humble yourself before The Lord and let Him mend your heart whole.
When the heart is healed, the rest will follow. Our mindset will change, we will begin to see with clarity, and move-on with grace -- not with hard, teeth-shattering, will. Notice the gentleness from your heart will begin to flow with God's love as its source.
It is one thing to be forgiven and another thing to forgive. Forgive yourself for the pain, forgive the people for being disappointing, forgive the whole scenario for its chaos.
Allow yourself the time and grace to grow into a new person out of all these.
If that looks like crying in the front lawn while dining alone with a bottle of wine, do it. If it looks like signing up for muay thai or taking reflective steam showers while pretending to answer Oprah's interview questions, do it. If it looks like sharing it with a friend over coffee, do it.
Failing is not the end of the world. Nor does it diminish your worth as a person. Remember, your true worth is defined by God's love for you, and Jesus gives you second, third, fourth, 77x77th chances. So, if you're not dead, God ain't done with you.
Once you've come to terms with the past and the present, you can start to make the necessary changes moving forward. That takes courage my friend, but if you got this far, we know you've got that resilient little boxer ready to jab the blues away.
Once you've come to terms with the past and the present, you can start to make the necessary changes moving forward. That takes courage my friend, but if you got this far, we know you've got that resilient little boxer ready to jab the blues away.
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| Photo by Samuel Austin on Unsplash |
4. Relearning to smile
"Smile? I'm a go-getter, a hustler since day 1. I don't stop to dally in my feelings. I'll just toughen up and go." Okay. Hold up, Usain Bolt, this is no race. You were just beaten down, black and blue, this close to getting cremated. Take it slow.Your brain might know what it needs to do, but does your heart know that too? Can your body handle the strain? Emotional stuff is holistically taxing! It's easy to get back to the grind but it's only going to distract you. I want to challenge you to do the exact opposite: to just be present. Just exist with no pressure.
Observe your surrounding. Breathe. Let yourself be captivated by another kind of beauty. Watch the clouds pass by and paint it. Learn something new. Set up dinner dates with your girlfriends. Anything that makes you realize that the world is still turning and you're still a part of its beautiful dance.
Beauty might look different from the way you defined it before the heartbreak. Still, learning to smile at the newness will teach you to appreciate the world in a different way. If you can do that, then maybe you can begin to look at the past in a new light too. A kinder light.
Congratulations, your bravery has gotten you this far. But look at what we have here. There's a new facet to your character. She is reborn, she is glowing, she has fresh highlights on her hair.
Look at her! Not only is she brave she's also gentle. She's gentle to herself, she's gentle to others. She takes risks and makes life an adventure, but she knows when to rest and how to rest. Who is this gentle queen?
This gentleness comes from knowing that she is loved by Her maker and therefore she can love others again. That sounds like a victory to me.
It takes a lot of strength to be gentle in this hard world. But honey, you've got the grace for it.
*1 John 4:9-10
** 1 John 4:19
*** 2 Corinthians 5:21
PS: Most of this post is written in 2015, but I left number 3 unwritten. Mungkin karena malas, mungkin karena aku nggak tau, mungkin karena saat itu aku masih butuh menangis. 4 tahun kemudian gue tulis nomor 3, tahun depannya gw edit dan tambahin soal gentleness. Character growth, gaes. Wk
*** 2 Corinthians 5:21
PS: Most of this post is written in 2015, but I left number 3 unwritten. Mungkin karena malas, mungkin karena aku nggak tau, mungkin karena saat itu aku masih butuh menangis. 4 tahun kemudian gue tulis nomor 3, tahun depannya gw edit dan tambahin soal gentleness. Character growth, gaes. Wk
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