JOE IS DYING

saya sudah lama ngak beneran punya waktu untuk nulis blog. blog ini rasanya emang cuma jadi tempat bicara saat kenangan yang ngak penting gatal minta diingat. seperti kebanyakan posts saya yang lainnya, post yang satu ini emang ngak ada juntrungannya. mungkin sedikit ingin mengembalikan skill menulis, mungkin sedang menunggu ide untuk banyak tugas sekolah yang mulai berdebu, mungkin juga saya lagi ingin sok mellow . seneng ngak melihat bahasa asing yang di italicized ? kembali ke topik pertama, blog saya ngak punya topik. semuanya random. isinya random. tapi semoga kamu bisa membaca blog ini dan rasakan macem2nya pikiran saya, mood saya, dan kesukaan saya dengan benda2 visual yang juga sparse banget range nya. saat ini saya lagi bingung, mau pake lagu apa untuk sebuah musik video yang mau saya buat bareng Pak Randy Saputro. disaat yang bersamaan, saya harus segera buat semuanya karena tepat 3 minggu lagi, sekolah bakal selesai dan dalam 3 minggu... 1 essay, 1 type motion project, 2 v

i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know! im blind as a bat i know i was built for something a greater purpose than just leaving carbon footprints but what that is i am left clueless i tried to think of the things that makes me stay awake at night so graphic design luls me to sleep motion graphics is incredibly frustrating i put writing on hold, skills escape me singing is an old dream acting was a laughable career of make believe despite all that i know that i know that i know i'm very sure i am made for a purpose greater than myself people told me, you're made for the entertainment some other told me i'm gonna be a humanitarian my brain, and my history claims the obvious teaching path but really, dear God, i want passion. suatu hari nanti, aku bakal tau. cause you never stop working good works in me. thank you.

im wearing the coat you gave me as a blanket in this cold room the white halogen lights the guitar melody i alone can hear again i'm writing my gratefulness for the vegetable pizza for the white rose kombucha for the eggnogg late for another time, being stilled in my busyness remembering you, when i started this as a make believe poem i love you and i thank you i want to hear you i'll see u in my bedroom

i get so excited thinking about this. do i want to do this all my life? be behind the camera? i'm so excited. i can't tell you enough. so excited! :)

i need to read more. losing my grip on writing, on english most of the time. at least now i can talk to people. and i can joke in my goofy ways and be myself, when my language prevails but frankly, i just read a certain guy friend's blog and it amazed me, from the ways that he had came from lame to fame dang, i dont wanna lose the game

CLICK! bam, you've been incepted!

i was talking to dania last week about me not having favorites. or preferences, as she put it. we joked about how i would pick a guy for a date. i'd close my eyes, and do a random pick. but after thinking with her for quite a while, i figure some things that i like. not that im gonna be totally picky about it, but at least "it's a start" quoted from danz. food: 1. i like yogurt pie. that one, that i can never make, from Oma Dee's friend in Indo. 2. i dislike soggy food. food that wasn't made soggy but turned soggy. like cookies dipped in milk, corn flakes cereal after 1 minute in milk, soft/soggy noodles, etc. 3. my favorite yogurt is: honey greek yogurt! yes, with an exclamation point. 4. i like honey glazed onion. that's all i can think of. the rest of the food pyramid would be a "yeah, sure, whatever" thing.

i sat there for the hundreth time on my hand, a glass of sweet syrup thick, sticky, disgustingly sweet i always stop myself before i begin but the intimacy with loneliness was confusing me a stroke of your hand, ruined me again, sat beside me again ruin me and as i looked at him in the corner of my eyes, i have yet, nothing to say but to my heart; "stop it. stop"