JOE IS DYING

When brain is clogged with unhealthy things, make sure to cram in the right stuff. Currently listening to the right stuff . You should too.

Ci ansella hari ini tanya gua, "apa kabar?" And i shook my hands like.. 'comme ci, comme ça'. But she replied, "that's not the answer! Shake it off, girl!" i was surprised at her reply, but soon agreed that i had to stop dwelling in my feelings and let the spirit of god take over. So i shook my body and soon regain the joy. Shake it OFF! Dont quit! Dont whine. Shake it off!

There's this one step you gotta take, the scariest step of all, before moving forward. It is to look backwards, to dig deep into your heart, and see what has happened. This step is as raw as it is crucial.  For me, it was coming to terms with my fears. To see back into my closed/hidden hole, and realize that I had to take myself out of the hole. By that I meant, letting myself be weak and raw before God. Tell Him that I'm broken, and without hope, unless it comes from the higher ups. The rest of the night was wet with tears, and cracks of my broken parts were all over my journal. Then, healing, trust, and re-learnings comes after. Today, I am better. I could apply to jobs with easiness, because I trust in the worth that God gave me (not from my work, nor people's compliments).  Psalm 16:8 I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

I have to say, they were right. My parents. I just got out of 2 meetings for 2 new freelance gigs that I've said yes to. You know I can't say no.. to a lot of things. Much to my surprise, my parents called me an hour after the meeting ends. My mom went through a long speech about focus. My dad about doing everything to stay in the states. Basically they both said to quiet down, don't take the jobs, and just focus on getting the one job. Money is their part. My part is to get the H1. Right now, my head is spinning hard and my heart is beating around. My stomach is in my face, and my face is on my butt. Really. I can't say anything right now. I have to process this before the afternoon ends, and my next appointment begins. Alright, Goodbye.

I gotta say this, I gotta say this before it doesn't seem like a miracle anymore. Pre GC Conference 2013, I was at a rough moment in life. No work for 2 months, no reply to any of my job search, big indecisiveness towards staffing agencies, and a long line of projects held up due to the stress. I was struggling with life long questions "am I good enough?" and "should I have done more?" I was at the end of my wits, trying to balance life+work+church. I saw my no-work period in a brighter light, this way.. it is a chance for me to figure things out at church. With much time freedom (though still with the no-work stress), I got my feet soaked in the video ministry. It was a huge, new thing for me. I mean, there I was, less than a year of experience, and somebody expected me to mentor non-video majors, plus on top of that, manage 2 teams of creatives to do what I usually do with 2 other people at the most. God's great. He showed himself able when I am clearl