JOE IS DYING

we're always dreaming of utopia but new world will only come after the old is destroyed

On Friday i heard this conversation: *kids walking down the 45th Ave Man1: They are the future of our country Man2: Fuck, we're doomed. Me (thinking): We are our country's today, what are you doing? (ironically, that applies to me too) Tuesday: Watching Lions for Lambs get me thinking about life purpose. Today i overheard john's conversation about governments and globalizations. Things like that interested me. I would like to think that i am a smart person, posses a strong sense of justice that carries me to do things i was specifically created to do. But i am not. I'm slower to come into certain conclusions, i am sometimes driven by emotions and triggered by circumstances. which means, i am inconsistent and the fact that i am writing this, and not doing something more worth my while, shows how perfectly comfortable i am with such labels. I told my friend that i wished i was doing political science and not design. or maybe just as a minor. but isn't polisci just ta

baru ngeliat kerjaan design temen the only thing that pops up into my head: "im never gonna get a job" i'm behind with my chocolate line project. and it isn't my kind of "like". idk, i think i have to get things vectorized to make it legit. dang.

I just read about Grey Gardens again. Now, knowing that it's a documentary and not a film based on a musical with a documentary style. I researched on the two Edies, and how their lives were. I'm just really struck on how your younger, glorious days can become like a time you want to relive and re-live again. Something you'd always look back on, and *sigh* as if what you're living now is just a dream and when you wake up, you'll go back to those days again. it scares me. i dont want to be old, and yet keep on wishing for the young days to begin again. Regreting what i have become and the many chances i have missed, or filling up what was real with what it could've become and talk about it as if that was the truth. Now i don't have many thoughts about that, i rarely look back. but i hope when i get older, i will - as much as i am now- look forward for tomorrow. oh god, keep me and lead me. i dont want to end up like that. my stomach isn't feeling so good.

kebanyakan bikin desain ini, desain itu. sekarang otak gua udah ngak kreatif sama sekali. mungkin, ini waktunya untuk jalan2 dan ngobrol sama banyak orang baru (preferably in english). *ketawa* i mean, 2 years of automatic mode. no excitement in school, no nothing. can't believe i just noticed it now. when the semester is almost over. guh. pengen jalan2 ke eropa. get some inspiration. or maybe im just too caffeinated to stay in place and do my work. oh well, i need to get to vocal class now. yes.