Life, Politics, Adulthood

On Friday i heard this conversation:

*kids walking down the 45th Ave

Man1: They are the future of our country

Man2: Fuck, we're doomed.

Me (thinking): We are our country's today, what are you doing?

(ironically, that applies to me too)

Tuesday:

Watching Lions for Lambs get me thinking about life purpose. Today i overheard john's conversation about governments and globalizations. Things like that interested me. I would like to think that i am a smart person, posses a strong sense of justice that carries me to do things i was specifically created to do. But i am not. I'm slower to come into certain conclusions, i am sometimes driven by emotions and triggered by circumstances. which means, i am inconsistent and the fact that i am writing this, and not doing something more worth my while, shows how perfectly comfortable i am with such labels.

I told my friend that i wished i was doing political science and not design. or maybe just as a minor. but isn't polisci just taught you to think and to write? in the end, your profession is either going to be a corrupt politician, or a suffering, poor, righteous journalist whose story isn't going to be published in media. what's the use of it, what's the use of knowing the worms of politics if it's just gonna weigh you down. I remember being in politic class back in Junior highschool. Loving the subject, enjoying the way the teacher just talks about it, but hating the way how knowing political history disgusted me. I bickered a lot about politics and governments and how manipulative the systems are, but i never think of what i will do, what is there to work on, and how will i be a part of that change.

Then here i am, watching Lions for Lambs, moved by the two college students (about my age) signing up for the military, being a part of some sort of a change - that was under the call of this slimy politician, and didn't survive the experience. How is that going to change anything, dying? Yet, having no experience of the battle will keep you heartless, full of theory shit that won't make you a better decision maker. The last part of the movie really strucked me; the decisions you make now can be changed but with years and years of hard work. and in those years of hard work you change. the potential you have right now might now be there anymore. the tough thing about adulthood is you never know when it starts, you're already dozens decisions in it. and there's no lifeguard there to keep you. you're on your own.

and i thought, fuckin shit. what am i gonna do with my life.