JOE IS DYING

Starting to pack. Obviously, the rain does not help, nor the Jack Johnson playing in the background. Wish me luck, I've shed enough tears pre-packing, today.

About 15 minutes ago I started writing for my fiction blog again. I found an oldie that doesn't belong in a fiction blog. I wrote it in 11/23/11 at 12:12 AM, when I was struggling with the passing of my beloved Grandmother, Oma Mia. So, without the mask of "fiction writing," I decided to post this to share to everyone on how I felt back then. This is about coming to terms with loss, and to letting go of sorrow. I didn't have much time to think when the truck hits you fast, you couldn't even blink the d would still be in process while spelling god the other end of the line wanted me to speak to be strong for the sad but encouragement was much needed vice versa i had time to think about this, now about loss and distances i didn't have a proper space to mourn not a soul to tell my sadness to not even talking to live video feed could help me with that i don't know how long my mother took to let go and let live seven months were clearly not enou

2 Lines that's my limit. 2 lines of sentences, of words, of wonderings, 2 lines of questions that lambasted my integrity, or my well-meant actions. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's your two lines. It makes me wonder if we haven't clear some things out. Haven't we? What hard feelings do I hold against you? Cause I don't want to have any buttons on me. Especially not the pissy button you so easily pressed with your two lines. I hope you will just call me the next time you want to have a conversation or get some clarification from me. Cause your 2 lines, when I read them, are annoying at best. Ok. Curcol pasif-agresif selesai. Nampaknya gua makin transparan di blog ini. Selamat buat gua. On a lighter note, now I know 2 drinks that I won't drink again: Bloody Marry and Margarita. Yeap, disgusting craps.

I've went through maybe 6-8 blogs through out the course of my life. This by far is my most written, and longest blog i've kept. God knows all the things I've put in here. It's kinda the place where you can read through my though process, take a glimpse of what has caught my interests lately. All in all, this is a good zone. A great joe zone. I can't tell you what's going to happen in the next 30 days. I know where I'll be, but I won't know what I will be feeling and what I will care or not care about. But today, I cared about watching Breaking Bad. I am stressed out on closing my projects (a couple video projects, an app design project, a church ministry thing), I'm at loss with my packing for Indo (haven't even started), love life is a big zero (let's just put it out there), I have got no clue on career or anything like that. Imagine looking back to my life later on 10 years from now- what would I say? I imagine saying, "that w

Jujur, gua punya satu kelemahan yang bisa jadi pembunuh hidup gua. Tempat Tidur. Asli, nga pandang besar-kecilnya, atau keras-empuknya, tempat tidur tuh tempat gua berbuat onar. Alasan males ke sekolah pas kuliah, alasan malas keluar pas liburan, alasan nga makan pas laper. Susahnya lagi, kalau gua ulet2an stay in bed for another 2 hours, pikiran gua bakal melayang dan tubuh gua pun suka ikut melayang. Bayangin ada di dunia peri selama 2 jam: nga bonafit banget. Emang disiplin gua super kecil. Keterlaluan kecilnya, lebih kecil dari remahan roti bakar yang jatuh dari mulut orang obesitas. Kemarin gua berhasil keluar dari tempat tidur sebelum kicauan burung-burung mulai mengelilingi pikiran gua. Hasilnya, hari yang lumayan produktif. Sempet kerja, sempet jalan2, sempet pergi First Thursday Art Walk. Hari ini, lain ceritanya. Mendung2 jam 12, gua bangun dari tidur yang baru mulai 6 jam sebelumnya. Satu jam pertama ulet2 taik ayam, jam ke dua lebah2 mulai menyengat, jam ke 3 gua l

So, word is out that I'm going home. There are a lot of questions of "why" and lots of "don't go's". But today at CG, Mr.B said "jo, gua ngerasa kaya kehilangan kakak cewe gitu.. nga keliatan sih, tp deep down inside." I don't care if that's a joke or whatever, huaaaaaa gua bakal QT sama dia fo sho. >___< I'll miss my kids.