Searching for The Thing

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Photo from: http://collinhughes.tumblr.com/

Remember this "Thing" that I mentioned? Tentang search gua mencari visi hidup, atau at least a career path. Nah, gua udah sering banget baca buku tentang "calling", blog posts tentang "jalan hidup", article majalah tentang "visi". Banyak yang suruh gua nulis my 5 year plan, ada yang suruh gua look deep into my heart, ada yang tanya "what makes you righteously angry?" dan yang terakhir untuk duduk, berdoa dan berserah aja sama Tuhan. Mungkin step-step ini bekerja buat beberapa orang, tapi gua...

Gua inget, pas jaman2 gua baca buku "Purpose Driven Life," gua sempet berdoa biar Tuhan ilangin semua "mimpi-mimpiku" karena aku cuma mau ngikutin purposenya dia. Alhasil, di umur 24 ini, gua sulit untuk meliat ke hati gua, dan nge-check apa sih yang gua mau, apa sih passion gua. Karena to be honest, gua passionate about so many things, and I am good at pursuing them too. However, gua jadi keinget quote dari gereja kemaren:

Banyak orang mau apa yang ada di tangan Tuhan, tapi jarang nyari apa yang ada di hati Tuhan.
- Ko Cin

Gua jadi mikir, sebenernya gua ngak perlu ngecek hati gua. Toh, gua udah pernah doa buat mimpi2 itu ilang. So it makes sense that there's nothing in there to begin with. Terus, gua nyarinya dimana dong? Cari di hatinya Tuhan. That's what I need to do. Apa yang Tuhan mau, apa yang Tuhan pingin, itu yang harus gua ikutin. Berhenti tanya: "What does God wants for me in my life?" tapi tanya "What does God want?" That's it. End there.

Honestly, hidup ini ngak bisa dijalanin dengan step-step yang pasti. Jalanan tuh ada naik turunnya, belok kanan, kiri, nyebrang jurang, naik canoe, lalu free fall ke trampolin. Gua ngak mau kasih batasan-batasan ke Tuhan untuk ngelakuin apapun dalam hidup gua. Takut sih.. asli, gua takut banget bakal mendem disini selamanya dan mati perawan. But that's not faith is it?

Faith is the confidence of what we hope for, and assurance of what we do not see. 
Hebrews 11:1

Oh no.. I feel another question is starting to arise...

So, what do I hope for exactly? To do what God wants to do at the place where I am currently stationed. What do I want to see when I reach it? God's name being glorified.

Here we go!

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