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to a memoir of some sort
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running away



By  johanna wattimena     9:11 PM     
Ack! i have no dang idea what my brain is capable of and how fast it could direct myself into a space where denial is a mere retort. seriously, if i were Silas in The Da Vinci Code, i would inject nails and thorns to my body and pray to god to forgive me. But thank God i wasn't.
The story goes, remember what i said about my "full of love" 2008? i guess its getting real. i mean, i've met a few boys (and disgustingly one man!) and get involve with two of them (one of them is a man, no f-ing way, right?!). Oh dude, im so afraid that the man is going to read the blog, so i won't talk about him. shit. that means he'll be able to guess what i think by reading the story even if i dont tell him. shit shit. ok, stop cursing johanna.
Maybe for binus friends who knew my icky story back in year10 with a friend (who's according to Almira is in Seattle right now) you'll see my pattern of denial. it was around one year ago, i guess, when i found out that a guy in my class liked me. Like all i did to potential boys who liked me, i ran away. and luckily no signals ever erupted from my brain and the boy backs away, or i rather broke his heart and force him to find another girl (yes, that guy is ames's boy toy). omg, i wish there's no karma or anything. there's another biy in year 11 who were so into me that he text me almost everyday. i being a junior and he's the senior(yr 13, temennya mr.director), gotta show some respect to the man. i replied most of his text until one day i left my cell phone in my car for three days and i left his text messages un-replied. that stopped him alright. and you wouldn't believe me if i told you that the senior guy is a fellow art student, just as tall as me (ugh), he's in Australia right now, he's way into Ferrari that his drama final exam was him being a big boss living in a box with buttons of commandment. know who? i'm not telling you.
anyway, i'll leave you hanging with this story, because i've made up my mind that i won't write about this particular man i was involved with days ago. because i'm afraid that he'll be able to tracked this post down and laugh at my sordid thoughts about him. what if he don't like me like i thought he do? what if he were just asking my martial status for no reason? that i couldn't tell.

About johanna wattimena

An explorer driven by curiosity. This blog is one of the longest commitment she manage to keep.