you're so vain

-

i bet you think this song is about you.
you're so vain.
i bet you think this song is about you,
Don't you, don't you?

Not coming to school for about seven months now are driving me insane. as weird as this might sounds, i have loved going to school since the very moment i sat on my first desk in kindergarden. i was always the not-so-smart-but-dilligent-enough to mark my name with permanent emboss pen on the teachers' good books. i was never the odd-geek-out, i'm always the acceptable weirdo-busy-girl. and i would continue talking about my love of being educated if i didn't stop myself, like, right... now.

Anyway, i'm going to make my point in about a second or two here (that depends on how quick your reading capability is). i missed school like crazy, i missed being busy, i missed the yucky lunch, i missed the gossips, i missed being sleepless, i missed having too many things on my head, i missed feeling like "oh-****-im-going-to-kill-that-***-till-his-****ing-****-is-*beeeeppppp*". Now what i got left is hysteria, because my future-host-mother, Jackie, hadn't write any confirmation letter to me. even though i've asked her to for around 2 weeks now and i'm leaving in 3 weeks. i haven't even apply for a visa!

To put in a very nicely mannered way, i'm a desperate, irritable, anxious, ravenous, bitch. really, i feel like cursing, but i don't allow myself. i've called out the name of the Lord in vain enough.

and i can't help but pity myself to see what a bitch i've became. My head is filled with countless day dream, i read books that i've read for the thousands of time, i haven't wrote a paragraph since the last exam i had, i have not get any decent artworks done, i haven't fill my head with gloriously good gripping educational knowledge, my teeth is oddly placed, my mole is increasing in size (yuck!), i lost my weight and i haven't grow an inch. see how things lead to my physical figures rather than my brain. see how VAIN-ER i am! and i've claimed myself an youtube-ANTM fan. i hate to admit, Tyra influenced me a bit. but i wouldn't dare tell you what she has done to my head.

Gosh, i feel like crying but i cant believe im crying because i didn't go to school much this year. i am such a dork! and i havent done any packing lately, my driving lisence is still on the hold and i cant even spell liscence correctly! SEE!!! in about 2 seconds, you'll see how my brain isn't working normally. how they tend to go sideways really easily. i am desperately ashamed of myself.

ps: HOLY COW, i cant believe that girl won the cycle 10! she's NOT a model material! i am fuming right now! i wanted claire or katarzyna, at least that punk girl to win!!! not happy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

-
awesome things found: 1. flying dreamers 2. monumental cuteness Skywalkers - Scion Art Basel 2006 from FriendsWithYou on Vimeo . i would post pictures, but blogger wouldn't let me. something is wrong with the system. huff.
Read more

I'm done being high and dry

-
Image
Awal tahun kemarin aku jatuh hati dengan seseorang dan hari ini aku mempertanyakan apakah lebih baik berteman aja dengan pria ini. Lucu ya, betapa cepatnya hati ini bisa berubah. Di satu sisi aku lega logika ku sudah kembali mencuat, naik ke permukaan laut endorfin yang perlahan surut. Realitasnya, pasang yang surut menunjukkan kotornya pantai hatiku. Banyak sisa-sisa sampah dari masa lalu; ngerasa nggak layak dapet perhatian, takut ditinggal, takut ditolak, takut disakiti. Hal-hal yang ku kira sudah ku buang jauh-jauh. Ternyata membuang ide dari pikiran dengan menghancurkan ide itu berbeda. Selama 2 minggu aku bersihin sampah-sampah ini. Aku ganti ketakutan ku dengan kata-kata Tuhan yang menyatakan aku berharga di matanya, mulia bahkan (yesaya 43:4). Aku terima kata-kataNya yang bilang "Aku mengasihi engkau dengan kasih yang kekal" kalau di bahasa inggrisnya "I have loved you with an everlasting love". Sudah terjadi, sudah ku alami, dan akan selalu Ia tunjukkan pad...
Read more

School: One Final Down!

-
Image
the CD cover project is done (above: cover art). it's done!! now i have to do my zine which is due in 4 hours and i have not do anything at all. at all!! so am i freaking out? no. im relieved that this one project is finished. Misha and Khong was great, and the book turns out awesome. here's some of the webcam images of our album art for Johnny Cash. i took all of 'em images. edit them. and send them out to misha to put the text on. the cover was done by misha. khong did all the research. her cover art wasn't printable (sadly. it was one hell of a great cover!) now i really, really have to do my zine project. i slept all night yesterday. i set up my alarm at 12, it didn't go off. am i pissed? no, im just... sighing and go to class early cause misha needs my help.
Read more