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you're so vain

By  johanna wattimena     10:13 PM    Labels: 

i bet you think this song is about you.
you're so vain.
i bet you think this song is about you,
Don't you, don't you?

Not coming to school for about seven months now are driving me insane. as weird as this might sounds, i have loved going to school since the very moment i sat on my first desk in kindergarden. i was always the not-so-smart-but-dilligent-enough to mark my name with permanent emboss pen on the teachers' good books. i was never the odd-geek-out, i'm always the acceptable weirdo-busy-girl. and i would continue talking about my love of being educated if i didn't stop myself, like, right... now.

Anyway, i'm going to make my point in about a second or two here (that depends on how quick your reading capability is). i missed school like crazy, i missed being busy, i missed the yucky lunch, i missed the gossips, i missed being sleepless, i missed having too many things on my head, i missed feeling like "oh-****-im-going-to-kill-that-***-till-his-****ing-****-is-*beeeeppppp*". Now what i got left is hysteria, because my future-host-mother, Jackie, hadn't write any confirmation letter to me. even though i've asked her to for around 2 weeks now and i'm leaving in 3 weeks. i haven't even apply for a visa!

To put in a very nicely mannered way, i'm a desperate, irritable, anxious, ravenous, bitch. really, i feel like cursing, but i don't allow myself. i've called out the name of the Lord in vain enough.

and i can't help but pity myself to see what a bitch i've became. My head is filled with countless day dream, i read books that i've read for the thousands of time, i haven't wrote a paragraph since the last exam i had, i have not get any decent artworks done, i haven't fill my head with gloriously good gripping educational knowledge, my teeth is oddly placed, my mole is increasing in size (yuck!), i lost my weight and i haven't grow an inch. see how things lead to my physical figures rather than my brain. see how VAIN-ER i am! and i've claimed myself an youtube-ANTM fan. i hate to admit, Tyra influenced me a bit. but i wouldn't dare tell you what she has done to my head.

Gosh, i feel like crying but i cant believe im crying because i didn't go to school much this year. i am such a dork! and i havent done any packing lately, my driving lisence is still on the hold and i cant even spell liscence correctly! SEE!!! in about 2 seconds, you'll see how my brain isn't working normally. how they tend to go sideways really easily. i am desperately ashamed of myself.

ps: HOLY COW, i cant believe that girl won the cycle 10! she's NOT a model material! i am fuming right now! i wanted claire or katarzyna, at least that punk girl to win!!! not happy.

About johanna wattimena

An explorer driven by curiosity. This blog is one of the longest commitment she manage to keep.