kembali

-

you dont know me by tresdivine

it is the first day of my break (as of, now; 12.35am) and i already felt like i've had enough of it. i spend the last half day of school watching movies. like, im back to that time of my 8 months break after high school. no goals, just living the ordinary.
so, i decided to make this holiday the best out of it. here's my list:

1. once my guitar is shipped, i will start playing them - praising the lord.
2. i will call Ci Fani and ask to join the music team
3. i will explore seattle as of Monday. i will make a list of places to see. sadly, im gonna see them by myself. because everybody else are having their little break - and im afraid to get someone along with me. im such a loser, i know.
4. i will search for more scholarships.
5. i will stop making more things to do - because i know i wont be able to do them all.
6. OH, i will start making short stories. i will not start another novel. because i wont finish them no matter how many times i tried.
7. i will stop cursing.

all my love,
johanna

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I'm done being high and dry

-
Image
Awal tahun kemarin aku jatuh hati dengan seseorang dan hari ini aku mempertanyakan apakah lebih baik berteman aja dengan pria ini. Lucu ya, betapa cepatnya hati ini bisa berubah. Di satu sisi aku lega logika ku sudah kembali mencuat, naik ke permukaan laut endorfin yang perlahan surut. Realitasnya, pasang yang surut menunjukkan kotornya pantai hatiku. Banyak sisa-sisa sampah dari masa lalu; ngerasa nggak layak dapet perhatian, takut ditinggal, takut ditolak, takut disakiti. Hal-hal yang ku kira sudah ku buang jauh-jauh. Ternyata membuang ide dari pikiran dengan menghancurkan ide itu berbeda. Selama 2 minggu aku bersihin sampah-sampah ini. Aku ganti ketakutan ku dengan kata-kata Tuhan yang menyatakan aku berharga di matanya, mulia bahkan (yesaya 43:4). Aku terima kata-kataNya yang bilang "Aku mengasihi engkau dengan kasih yang kekal" kalau di bahasa inggrisnya "I have loved you with an everlasting love". Sudah terjadi, sudah ku alami, dan akan selalu Ia tunjukkan pad...
Read more

The crack that leads to the break

-
There are many little heart cracks that leads to a break up. It's hardly ever about 1 big thing -- though sometimes it could stem from the same root cause creating an obvious pattern of behavior -- but I digress. One of the first instances of my heart 'crack' was when I shared how important is knowing, feeling, and processing emotions for me.  I'm the stereotypical eldest daughter who felt like it was her responsibility to hold the family down. There was a number of emotional turmoils that were happening when I grew up -- things that feels humungous for a kid to process on her own. But my parents were both working and I saw how tired they would be even on the weekends. I didn't want to add to the stress, so I kept things as steady as possible. My interests were positively channeled, my academic challenges tackled, my energy were well-spent. Soon enough my 10 year old schedule was just as packed as my parents'. Emotions were at the back of my mind. Productivity a...
Read more

Ngak perlu di baca. Cuma mau keluarin unek2 doang.

-
saya ngak ngerti. saya ngak ngerti kenapa bisa ada orang yg bener2 suka sama satu hal (dan beberapa hal yang lain, tapi intinya dia fokus sama hal2 itu) dan bisa telaten bener ngejalaninnya setiap hari. kadang2 saya jadi bingung berpikir, sebenernya saya tuh bisa ngapain sih? disatu sisi saya pengen keren dan menjunjung harga diri berkata "ya, gua jago semuanya, bisa dong." Ngak juga sih, saya ngak jago sampe bisa bikin orang laen nyembah2 saya. saya biasa aja. saya bisa semuanya, tapi saya biasa aja di semuanya. which means, bisanya saya tuh omong kosong. Maksud saya ngomong tentang 'fokus sama satu hal' and actually being real good at it, it's in a sense that you're willing to do that for the rest of your life. I have no frickin idea of that! Sedihnya, dalam waktu satu setengah tahun saya bakalan lulus dari kuliah, yang sekarang saya anggap sebagai 'sangkar emas' saya. comfort. setelah keluar dari bangku sekolah, saya mau ngapain juga saya ngak tau....
Read more