thank you lord

-

thank you lord for an answer i've been waiting for. thank you for giving me the strength to wait. thank you for the journey that has shaped my entire perspective. thank you that the understanding, and the extra hint of wisdom you've given me is so much greater than what i could reap my whole life if i didn't go through this. i am glad that you've put me through so much, and yet in the midst of this "valley of the shadow of death" you did not gave up on my ever pressing fear. you did not leave me just because i half-heartedly gave up. you nudged me and i found again a reason to be joyful. even when the answer is still on its way.

now that the answer is here, i am so much calmer, god. i have so much space in my lungs i could breathe freely. now that the answer is here, there's joy rather than the typical johanna's happy-crazy-energetic mood. the joy took over and gave peace (only a little more upbeat, since im smiling and sighing joyfully).

is it weird, god, that i didn't jump around when i got the answer? i just sit there, feeling relieved, smiled and said thank you. then i get on with life. i feel like im more persistent and bright when im under preassure. BUT, im glad that it's all over. i shouldn't overthink this, right God. about my response? you know my heart. you know me. you know that i love you. and this "love" isn't something people just say. it's real. in every sense of love there is, i LOVE you. i thank you. and i couldn't thank you enough. i love love love you. i wanna see you god.

so i'll close this post. and i'll talk to you soon.

loveyou!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I'm done being high and dry

-
Image
Awal tahun kemarin aku jatuh hati dengan seseorang dan hari ini aku mempertanyakan apakah lebih baik berteman aja dengan pria ini. Lucu ya, betapa cepatnya hati ini bisa berubah. Di satu sisi aku lega logika ku sudah kembali mencuat, naik ke permukaan laut endorfin yang perlahan surut. Realitasnya, pasang yang surut menunjukkan kotornya pantai hatiku. Banyak sisa-sisa sampah dari masa lalu; ngerasa nggak layak dapet perhatian, takut ditinggal, takut ditolak, takut disakiti. Hal-hal yang ku kira sudah ku buang jauh-jauh. Ternyata membuang ide dari pikiran dengan menghancurkan ide itu berbeda. Selama 2 minggu aku bersihin sampah-sampah ini. Aku ganti ketakutan ku dengan kata-kata Tuhan yang menyatakan aku berharga di matanya, mulia bahkan (yesaya 43:4). Aku terima kata-kataNya yang bilang "Aku mengasihi engkau dengan kasih yang kekal" kalau di bahasa inggrisnya "I have loved you with an everlasting love". Sudah terjadi, sudah ku alami, dan akan selalu Ia tunjukkan pad
Read more

perfumes likes

-
Image
As a part of my procrastination today, I will talk about perfumes that I like: 1. White Tea and Ginger by Bath and Body Works: When I'm wearing this I feel independent, stable, and focused. I used this in high school, re-purchase this when a BBW classic scents sale came up last year. This is definitely a comfortable scent for me. It smells fresh, and clean (more in the leafy range). Tones in this body spray:  Yuzu, Lemon, Green Tea, Bergamot, Geranium, Nutmeg, Rose, Earl Grey Tea, Musk, Woods, Berries.  You can definitely smell the lemon and green tea in here. Not much of musk, woods or berries - imo. 2. Brit Sheer by Burberry: When I'm wearing this, I feel feminine, soft and quiet. I bought the roll on version of this, because I wasn't sure if I would like it, or have the time to finish the whole bottle before getting bored. It is light and floral. Fresh on first spray (or roll, in my case) with hints of sweet fruits like pear, and lychee. For some reason, I al
Read more