I realize that every time I went job searching, my stress level would immediately increase. Not knowing what I should do, I ran up and down the stairs 10x to get the intense energy out. To no avail, sadly. This fear of not measuring up just kept hitting me in the face.
Yesterday I went to GC for a little God Break (by God break i mean, a breathing time with God). I decided that I was just going to 'receive' anything He's going to speak through the preacher that night. And BAM! He was talking about David and his journey to being a king.
David was anointed when he was still a young'in. He waited for years before he finally crowned, that too was with a lot of adversaries coming from all sides. Still, there was a "cause" for all the things that happens in his life. His waiting time prepped him to be a worshipper, his goliath battle prepped him to be a warrior, his time by the king prepped him to the castle life. He didn't looked down to his situation, thinking "i will never be a king," because things don't look like so at the moment. Rather, he went Psalm 37:
Trust in the Lord and do good
Dwell in the land
Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you
the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord
Trust also in him, and He will do it.
I went to bed last night with this verse in my mind. I tossed and turned for another hour or two, woke up frazzled at 12pm. Stressed, I turned on some anarkis music and took a shower. Went straight ahead to job searching with no "delight in the Lord." At 6pm I was at my wits end, on the floor moaning about not wanting to go to prayer meeting.
Pretty sad, but that's not all. When I was in prayer meeting, Pastor Franky asked me how I've been. "Same old, same old" I answered him. He returned my tired answer, "Jangan ngomong gitu dong.. Things are happening, and projecting to a better end, no?" "I hope so," dejected I replied. He laughed, and told me to look up.