Apparently, it is not only in life will we be expected to grow more mature. Spiritually, it is the same case as well. First we were fed, then we learn to eat on our own, before long we'll have to fend for others. Spiritually, I'm seeing the same story line. I was fed, then I eat hard chewed food, then I work to bring "food" for others.
Here's where I am conflicted: I don't want to fend for others..
That sounds really bad. But hear me out.
I came to a point where my fending for others at church has taken more energy than my fending for myself. I am a recent graduate, and as some might know, we don't earn that much dough. I am currently expecting some calls for an interview (which isn't as easy as it sounds.. but we got to keep the hopes up), while working on 3 side jobs which makes close to nothing financially. On the other hand, I'm balancing 1 full-on media production ministry, a creative team for an event, a mentor-parched student gathering, and a band of musicians.. all for "fending others." Does that sounds healthy to you?
Sounded like I'm complaining. Sounded like I am overwhelming myself with things. But these things are the ones that "lasts forever," right?
See, last friday night at Care Group we talked about spending "quality time." We're comparing the busy body Martha and the quietly listening Marry. Jesus said that Marry's portion -which leads to love- cannot be taken away from her. The services, the activities, the hard-work is not a mean to an end. It is only the fruit of my love to God. It should be. Without the love, whatever "services" I'm doing, is just a resounding cymbal. It will only make me dry, out of energy, stretched to the point of breaking.
So, here's my prayer:
God, remind me, that the center of my work is my love for you.
If I'm running out of love, just stop me dead in my tracks. Nothing should be more important than us.. I don't want to be caught, at the end of the work, only further away from the one I'm serving. I love you Jesus.