For some reason, I was brought back to a friend's old blog. It still existed, though the last post was marked 2008. I was reminded of the kind of people that we were. The stupidly loving kind of people that we were.
You know when you're young you believe everyone. All the sweet promises, all the lies. Then years pass by, you met people who hurt you, betrayed your trust. You began closing your heart, barricading it with coldness and distance.
That was me. The barricading part starts young. I was confused. Uprooted from my elementary school besties, faced sudden changes in my daily routines, I took a step back and tell everyone I don't believe in 'best friend'. I thought it was cool to let everyone think i'm this insensitive person who's best at joking and entertaining the public. So, I grew cold within. Despite being surrounded by the sweetest, most loving and accepting friends, my heart wasn't open to love them back completely.
About a week ago, I had a talk with my friends. We were talking about trusting people, letting people in, opening yourself up to the sensitivity of relationship. One thing he said got stuck on me (this is of course me paraphrasing, and adding my own words into his): life consists of a series of love found and love shattered. What makes life worth telling is that journey of truthful, ruthless emotions. The best time in your life is when you spend it with people. Broken, loving, funny, annoying people. You're missing out if you kept that heart closed up.
Here I am. Slowly learning to open myself up to loving people. No, I'm not saying this in a romantic sense. Just, in general. Definitely in friendship first. So far, I'm starting to snuggle, hug and pat people. Almost everyone. Just because that's my realest form of love expression; touch. So, i'm sorry if i'm starting to make people uncomfortable, it's just that... i'm a hugger. Hug me or leave me. ;)