Approaching The Big 3

Hey, I am glad you're still here. In a blog. A relic to the gen-z yet an archive I love to revisit nonetheless.

For some reason, I feel more at ease when writing my candid thoughts on this blog. Not on Medium, not on Instagram. It might be because we've been running together for more than a decade and a half. Or maybe it's the fact that I believe nobody really reads my writings here and thus I can maintain a somewhat anonymous relationship with my readers. Regardless, here's a little reflection on what has happened in my mundane life.

In the last year, I've met new friends whom I would call my sisters in Christ. I've been shocked by my feelings towards a group of people I didn't realize I cared about. I've cried more than what the situation logically called for. I've learned to be vulnerable at times, to hold back on others, to readily unmatch, and to maintain healthy boundaries. I've swelled with pride as I watched people grow and let others go to grow on their own. My year was more colorful than I anticipated and for that I am grateful.

2020 has been crazy. We've lost numerous celebrities, people dear to our hearts, we've implemented new ways of connecting and distancing, we've fought for forgotten human rights, and lost more trust on our governments than ever before. It's been a year of value-seeking, of asking the question "what do you really believe?" Turning my eyes away from the uncomfortable is no longer a choice. It is a time for making hard choices and everyone will judge you for whatever your choice is. That's what it feels like to live in a tiny, privately owned island called the internet. 

Funnily enough, the internet shows what it really feels like to live on a tiny planet called the earth IF you can hear everybody's opinions. Yeah, I don't think I ever want telepathy or mind-reading superpowers. They're too loud, too kepo, and I'm that cranky grandfather who yells at kids dancing for their TikToks on my front lawn. Oh, I'm on TikTok y'all. Don't worry about it. This auntie is keeping up with the time.

But I digress -- as usual.

I wanted to share about what my small group has been discussing on for the last month. So, if you're not familiar with churchy stuff, at a church there are usually community groups where you and a select group of people can study the bible together, be accountable to each other, and do life together. Now, our small group has been discussing a lot about... singleness, dating, and this week, marriage. Nothing too serious nor too lofty, but it definitely made me think about romance again. 

The last time I had this discussion was with my work friends at a glamping event. You know lah, slumber party talks but this time with a group of guys (cause I work in a production company). At that time, a friend shared how he never technically dated (macarin) his current fiance. He literally befriended a girl to evaluate her as a potential lifelong partner. The girl evaluated him too, down to the point when my friend got too deep in his feelings, the girl would snap him back to reality and kept him logical. 3 months later, the dude was on his knees, smitten, ready with a ring. Hearing that story I was dumbstruck. I couldn't believe that my friend, my prone to bucin friend, can maintain logic while getting to know a woman. That's maturity, that's honorable, and also a huge gamble on someone's authenticity.

Today, my leader's wife in the small group also talked about a similar concept. When she was courted by her (then) guy friend, she avoided conjuring feelings up. As in, trying to keep the chase alive, trying to romance him into falling for her, or acting in a way that she knows he likes. Her point was evaluating him and letting him get to know her as is. If the infatuation waned, then there's nothing there to begin with. Isn't that an elevated concept? Super self-respecting. Like, "Listen, Sir. I'm not here to waste anybody's time. I'll show you my life, you'll show me yours, and we'll see if we'll make a fun life combo til death do us part."

How many of us are dating with marriage in mind? *berdeham* Ini alasan gue nggak pernah jadian, jujur. Karena gue belum pernah nemu orang yang bikin gue ngerasa "wah, bisa nih gue tunjukin sisi rapuh gue." Rapuuuh. Iya, bu, lo pikir apa gunanya tulang rusuk selain ngejaga bagian lo yg gampang berdarah?

Second question, how many of us are approaching dating as a time of evaluation? *berdeham* Jiwa baperan gue bergelora.

Third question, and this would come from my mother -- yes this quarantine I've had the chance to observe her relationship my dad and had both of them spoke to me about marriage-- what are you doing to prepare yourself as a future wife? Flashback to a chat I had with a certain Bumble Guy (BG)

BG: (7 AM) Morning!
Me: (4 jam kemudian) Siang!
BG: Baru bangun?
Me: Sejam yang lalu sih...
BG: Woiii, kalo udah jadi istri harus bangun pagi lu! LOL

Me: Mother is that youuu?

Long story short, here are some of the things I've begin to think about entering this stage of my life. Not that the man is here, but it's kinda nice to get a little box of wisdom, like something old, something new, something blue. 

Stories are one of my favorite gifts. Live, preferably, but written or sung is nice too. I had the idea of holding a dinner party where people tell stories as my 30th birthday gift. But... that would have to wait because we don't want a COVID transmitting birthday party.

Anyway, now that you know how old I am without doing any detective work, I will close today's blog with a kiss and a promise to write again... whenever that is... until blogger gets too old to host me. Good night, anonymous readers. Blessings on you.