JOE IS DYING

well, i just returned from the hospital scarcely hungry ! Since my mother is afraid that i might had a TBC (hepatitis C), i made an appointment to the doctor and went straight to the lab to check my health. i was so nervous that i can't sing, when i know that they will take my blood ! Urgh, i felt like i was full of sweat and tears... Not that i cry or anything. When the doctor slowly beginning to get the ever so small needle, i was cringing and i dance (fidgeted actually). i cant stop laughing...of course till the needle get there. my mom said "nggak sakit kan ?" and i was "sakit, dikit... ayo nyanyi mam, supaya aku nggak pusing. ahhahahahahah". akhirnya, gue selesai di ambil darahnya. dan waktu gue lihat berapa banyak darah yang diambil... DENG ! 3 tubes. maaannnn, three dang tubes ! they took 3 dang tubes of my friggin blood !!!!!!!! i gotta eat something, fast. Urm, tonny roma's ribs ?? yum-yum... ps: bukan, mbak, gue akhirnya nggak turun peringkat dari...

where is that scholarship application that i need to write on?? Oh, gosh, this thing is DRIVING ME NUTS ! i'm afraid i wont get to university. oh, dang! HOWEVER, to put my mind in a better state of mind, i'll think about happy thoughts. hmm, AH ! i remember, i got eight (or seven) months of holiday now. and i've found ways to spend it. i'm going to apply for a japan or UK or italy gap year language program. If anyone have a recommendation, please, spare my time. haha. i'm going to travel-travel and travel. oh, boy, i love travelling. there's this sense of adventure in you that does not wear out, until you get into bed, nicely tucked and ready to fall asleep. Obviously, i haven't travelled too far to be home sick... but still, i am hardly homesick anywhere. if i could make a wish, i wish to travel the world. ahahaha... but i'll know i need the money for college. so i'll stick to plan number one: travel to one or two country only (before college) and g...

i hate spring panic !! every time i opened my e-mail to check on my university application process, i always found my heart beating so fast. maybe it's anxiety, but i sure know it's more negative than mere excitement. i am afraid of being wait-listed, moreover being rejected. i know my SAT score SUCKED sooo bad, but that does not mean that i wouldn't get into a uni or college. i am so proud of my portfolio and my essay (and short answer) that i did not pay much attention to my SAT score. thinking that an "above the average" TOEFL test score and a few awards in high school are enough. but, DANG, i knew it is not ! this situation is NOT okay, and sadly i cannot do anything about it. so here is what i am going to do BEFORE the dead line of most uni applicaitons: 1. print all essays and short anwers, send my TOEFL score to washington u (the 19th pickiest uni according to newsweek "how to get into college" winter 2008 edition) 2. contact the universities 3. ...

THINGS HAVE passed so fast and so much for the last one week. i dont even have the time to open the internet and share my stories. it's like my world is changing and i dont have a moment to document every thing (i hardly write in my dieary as well). so i'm going to give you a run down of what had happened last week. here goes: 1. just graduated on Nov 26th 2007. on that day, i was extremely estatic (the feeling is way better than sugar rush. as if my world is exploding by bits due to the excitement). i wore my old-old-owwwllldddd black tank top which was once my mom's and a plain a line skirt. in comparison to my friends, my 'black to the max' fashion sense is fairly ordinary. some of my friends came with dress (ranging from pink to white, with simple blings to blings all over), with their hair done (me? i just washed my hair and leave it at that condition) with their nails and make up done (me? nothing. simple plain nails and no make up at all) . we all sing songs...

just feels weird by the end of October and it continues to November. it's like there is a suspense in my life that i do not know as if something is waiting to happen, something bad is waiting around the corner, or something that i forgot to do which will lead me to some humongous problem. did i missed a sign or something ? or maybe it's just merely due to all these things that are stuck inside my head: 1. how is Narnia gonna turned up like 2. how will my brother and i go to JICF retreat 3. the sound effects and light effects that i need to finalize 4. the other little things that i dont even know what... oh, Lord. it's like my heart beats unevenly... something strange is affecting my physical condition. i think it's that illness which starts from the mind and goes down to the body. Oh my gosh, what if i got a cancer because of this constant ANXIETY (yes, that's the perfect word!) ?! Oh, No ! *deep sigh* Oh, Lord HELP ME !!!!! I'm a dead piece of meat. i'm so...

well, ever feels like going to school, to see your mates and teachers but there is actualy no classes for you to go to anymore ? bet you've never felt it. we seldomly thinks that school sucks and all that. you wanted with all of your heart to actually fleed aways from school, away from all those homeworks, projects, teachers and the bitches you found at school. but then once you get the chance to actually get out of school, you found your self cursing each day without the constant bussyness of school life, you found yourself dreaming of going back to school again (though just for the good things), found yourself wanting to see your juniors, your classmates in school uniform, wanting to quee for lunch or even for the same feeling of cursing a teacher after she detained you. so here i am, back at school though i am allowed to actually rest my head at home and forget that i am graduating in two or three more weeks. *sigh* when i got to school, felt like i dont really belong here anymo...

some f'ing day is on its way. my heart just cant ceased to beat at its usual pace and i from then on i know something is NOT right. i know i have vowed to God and myself not to cuss... but this is surely the appropriate moment to let out thouse forebidden vocabs. like cursing somebody's mother or something... see, when Meiling a.k.a Liko Sabarani, my production manager for Narnia the Play of BiNus told me that the director is not happy of what i am doing... my life seems dark all of the sudden. F*** F*** F*** !!! what is wrong with me. am trying 70% of my ability to stay up late, edit music, edit whatever needs to be editted but then... sadly... unfortunately... my heavy forebodings is right; he hates my guts. he hates my works. he cant even tell me to do what. he said he wanted, say, project A, B, C to be done... i've done all that (though a bit late, but i've done it). But then he didn't tell me that he wanted Project D to be done as well. how should i know what h...

i've applied for SAT and 10 december would be the day. wish me luck or i shall crumble in my own misery of being skeptical. today's the last, literally, last day of high school. and i just wanted to say that... i love you my fellow year 12s . even though sometimes you hate this over confident, arrogant, petite bitch, but i would remember all the days that we spent together. For all the 10Bs, the 11Arts and 12Arts... it was nice spending time with you. it's been a hell of a 2.5 year. And to all my other mates, dude BiNus was freakin' fun. see you at graduation. Shucks, i feel like crying. hugs and more hugs, joweeek

A A cne is something alomost as inevitable as finding yourself lying to your parents. you know, when you had just spent most of your money buying drinks for your friends and you started smelling like a person who farted alcohol... well, yeah, days like that. though i never bought my friends drunkable drinks, i know how bad farting alcohol gas smelt like. *puhweeh* well, anyways, you're missing the point here... acne is really something that most people got on their puberty years. and you wouldn't believe me if i write this... i only have two acne for the 17 years of my life. cool, huh ? yeah, i love myself too... this newest acne had just appear out of nowhere. i was like "NOOOOOO !!!!! not my face ! you can take my ass, but not the face!". it is not that big but it's still big and considering my dark olive skin... the white slimmy thing inside the acne is totally in contrast to my skin color. it stands out and sadly i couldnt cover it with anything, except if i ...

in a total rush of applying to universities (actually, i only planned to apply to one; Washington Uni in St Louis)... i got stranggled in between unfinished tests... there are school exams (coming up this thursday ... LORD BLESS ME and MY FRIENDS) and there are SAT as well (the most rushed one. i hvent even apply to them. ^*#*&#@. stupid me). to tell you the truth, know nothing about SAT.so i'll take a course on that. LORD HELP ME. rushing in and out, joe ps: any tips for the upcoming SAT ??

when all you got to keep is strong move along move along just to make it through in three weeks (two of them is a holiday. and one is a whole week of test), i'll be graduating from high school. good bye high school for good. i'll miss the good times and the bad-embarassing times as well. but the thing is, three more weeks from last day of school and one month from prom... i still do not have: 1. university in US to go to (argh ! more info on this later) 2. prom dress (which not at all important) 3. my perfect height (&*$@&#^$ !!! most strangers i met think im 15 years old. and in US i bet they'll think im 10... $*#&!#&*@&#!$&#^*@&^%*&# !!!!!!!) anyone have some solutions for me ?! i'm stuck in my world of infrared growth rate which no one can see... no one can feel... BEEP BEEPin' BEEP (censoring words) !!! until then, I REFUTE IT, THUS !

hai... maaf ya gue harus tulis ini pake bahasa indonesia. karena there is no word in english that could describe what im feeling right at this moment. right now, i'm having a mild begining of flue. i got infected from my class mates who are all having flu as well (martin, meiling and ames). the thing is... IDUNG GUE SERASA PENUH UPIL !!!!!! arghhhhhhh sebel-sebel-sebel ! dan rasanya idung gue jadi super sensitif. wangi macam apapun akan tersangkut ke bulu-bulu hidung gue yang penuh upil. sedihnya, upil-upil ini membuat hidung gue terasa gatel setengah mampus. ingin rasanya berenang supaya upil-upil gue terbawa arus air. (hiy, jijik >__ joe

in indonesia, people are really familiar with both ordinary non-antibiotic medicines, antibiotics and herbal medicines. Herbal medicines in Indonesia are devided into two kinds; authentic indonesian herbs and chinese herbs. People believe that if they wanted safe, cheap and healthy medicines - you could try the chinese medicines. personally, i always believed in herbal medicines. not only that it is natural, it does not contain any chemicals as well. Their safetines is is quite guaranteed (as in, you could not eat any plants you can find if you do not know their use, since that could be terribly deadly). i remembered drinking a medicine called "Lou Han Kuo". it is some sort of a brown colored sweet minty flavor cube that of you put it in a glass of hot water, it will dissolve and the now brown water will be the best soar(or sore) throat medicine. My friend (Sesarina Prameswari and Liko Sabarani a.k.a Ames and Meiling) had told me about this medicine called "pei pa koa...

For years of living in a body of a petite, dark tan skinned, curly haired girl, i've found out that every person which belongs to the same star sign has similar characteristic. i'll start with my most astounding object of observation: the Gemini . its sign is a couple of identical twins. Geminians are those who are born under the planet of Mercury, which name is taken from the messenger god "Mercury". Being a very busy, fast moving and quick-witted God - Geminians took his dominant features and therefore become people who loves a busy world. Geminians are clever, they enjoy learning and loves to know random trivial knowledge. They love to do more than one things at once and therefore usually go caught up in too much things to juggle. They're known for being mischifous and their poise-ness made them looked too calm to care. They are free spirited (remembering their air sign) and usually are creative. Their twin sign symbolizes their two personality. Sometimes, gemi...

Artaud is a man who both crazy, innovative, creative and intelligent at the same time. His idealism of creating a theater of cruelty which involves series of overflowing emotional scenes, is meant to change both character and audience by exposing them to vivid phantasmagoric things. In addition, it also challenged the audience's view of religion and idealism. Spurt of blood is one of Artaud's original script. Personally, i believe the play is ultimately confusing and camplicated. It took me one whole hour of thingking and re-thingking at 2.30 in the morning until 3.30. Some of the things that crossed my mind fully revolved around the character "Bawd" a.k.a the hooker, the bitch or the sex toy. the first question i oppose to my consciousness is "what is the change that happens in the play ?". To begin with, all artaud plays are about changes. changes in beliefs, religion and idealisms. My so-called interpertation will begin from the fisrt character to go on...

well, the title just said it all. i lost my USB. therefore i lost 70% of my important works ; drama sound fx, the school production's ads, photos, my very own editted effects script of Narnia and heaps more. how could such an imporatant thing got out of my hand ?! -i wish i hadn't write that coz the answer is pretty obvious- it's small ( smaller than the size of my pinkie finger), rather transparent, very light and i last used it on last Sunday august 25th at 3 am. i felt like hurting myself - metaphorically speaking. later, clumsy joe

1. since i have been through a lot of earthquakes from the last 17 years of my life, a 7 Lichter earthquake didn't really buzz me much. it was just like a little shake treatment with shaky atmosphere as well. 2. expatriates teachers were like 'oh gosh. its an earthquake'. coz sadly they've never felt it before. does that makes me really lucky ? yeah i guess. BY THE WAYYYY... last night my mom said that she felt another earthq last night. real small one i guess. coz none of us (dad, me and the kids) felt it and my mom was the only one who was half sleeping. all of us were having some major gossiping time. haha. i don't know it was a real earthq or anything since i got no TeVo at home and radio isnt really the family's fave... so news dont really travel fast in my place. saddening, huh ? later, joe

ok, since everyone is so keen to find out how the jakarta's august 8th 2007 earthquake feels like.. here's the aftermath of it (8 hours after at bina nusantara high school): 1. it became a huge topic at the cafeteria and classes. everyone was like "Did you feel the earthquake last night ??" it's quite incredible that most of my friends did not feel the 7.4 Magnitude earthquake. Logically, they have got to wake up from all those shakings and grumbblings of the earth. My drama teacher said that he was soooo tired that he thought it was not an eathquake. just a bunch of crazy teenagers having loud banging music and some great moshing session that made his bed shook tremendously. My classmate, meiling, instantly called her neighbour about the earthquake and sadly the neighbour, Stefano, did not realize it was an earthquake until she called. (she's so happy that i write her name here. haha) 2. things are pretty much the same. nothing looks wrecked or anything such...

{Left - Right: Melissa, Alyssa, Meiling, Mr.C, Ames, Almira, Martin} {Lower part: Joe} It is a customary for my school (bina nusantara high) to held a big drama production at the very least once a year. In february 2006, for instance, BiNus did "The Wiz" with me as the wicked witch of the west a.k.a the friggin' bitch. In november 2007 we planned to do "The Lion, The With and The Wardrobe - Narnia". The 12 Arts is going to be the production team with the famous most intriguing Mr.C as our supervisor plus director, and meiling as our super busy producer.The assistant dierctor is Almira, while costumes will be taken care by alyssa, ames and melissa. on the other hand set goes right into the man's hand - the only man in our class- Martin. Lights, Sound, Music and Stage FXs will be gently handled by yours truly. yay ! For the time being we are tres tres busy. We had a production team meeting once a week (not that we dont meet everyday, but we just take a specia...

well, i will just pretend that this blog will not be read by any people. it will be a total secret. just between me and the world wide web (which i'm going to pretend that is not world wide). i mean, it is sucha small possibility for you to find my blog out of a hundred million other blogs (which are obviously much more interesting than mine). i just stopped myself from reading a book called "easy" by a author that i cant remeber (no offence but i really cant. i'm stupid. Whatever, sue me). The book generally is about sex, men, couple days of celibacy and more sex. the thing is, not that i dont think sex is good, but when you are in a state where you aren't supose to have sex... you kindda think about it. and i know it's wrong. but, HELP, i cant stop it. ok. recess time is over. i have to stop. LATER ! joe